Time To Say Goodbye

[Brian71]

Hello my friends,  this is something I've been thinking about for a little while, and I'm sorry if my comments don't go down well with everyone, as this forum gives much comfort to many users and may it continue doing so.
This forum is unique in providing much support to people who are grieving, including myself, and I am truly grateful for the assurance and comfort comments you have all given me since I joined. I will be in your debt forever.

However,  I have been questioning for a little while, whether long term use of this forum is beneficial to me or not,   as I feel one can get drawn in to it, so it almost becomes an addiction, or maybe I should say a crutch to help us through the bad times may be more appropriate,  as I can certainly say it helped me.  I am now finding that posting/reading on here can also occasionally trigger swings of depression, as I keep reminding myself what happened to my wife, and I suppose reliving that sad time over and over again, and of course reading other people's tragic experiences can be upsetting too sometimes.
 
I would like to sincerely thank this forum and indeed all of you, for your kind considerate help and comments, because it has helped me a lot, as it does a lot of other people who are grieving.   We all deal with grief in different ways and AIS this forum has been a blessing especially those first 2 or 3 months,  but like some medications, long term use it can also become addictive and occasionally IME dare I say it, also depressing depending on ones state of mind at the time, as it can trigger emotions, there's no doubt about that.

So,  I have decided, in order for me personally to move forwards,  will be my last week using the forum.
I wish everyone on here my best wishes, and hope in some way the pain we all share will eventually subside to a point it becomes tolerable, one things for sure, I doubt any of us who have lost their wife or husband will really ever be the same again, we can only try.
God Bless You All,  and remember..................A DAY AT A TIME.

My best wishes to you all.........Brian

No one can stop the birds of grief from flying over your head
but you can stop them nesting in your hair.

[pennyking]

Brian.  I wish you well.  We will be here anytime you would like to return.  Even if it's only to let us know how your getting on.  Please take care of yourself. Penny x

[Karena]

Brian I understand what you mean I disappeared from the old forum for a while for the same reasons but found I was much better able to cope when I came back.,so never feel that you can't do so if you chose too later.

[Hubby]

Mutual help forums can be a bit of a double edged sword for the very reasons you mentioned. It's a fine line between comfort and trigger and it's hard call to make so I respect your decision.

I'd like to thank you Brian for your words of comfort to myself and others and wish you all the best for the future.

[Norma]

I to respect your feelings Brian and would like to wish you well. But the forum door never closes  hun. Xx

 

[longedge]

Brian if you see this I'd say - I go for so long and when I find I can't bear it any more I stay away for a while but then come back. Reading some of the posts here just completely destroys me. Sometimes I feel that I can make a contribution that might help someone else through a black patch and holding someone else's hand might give you some comfort as well.

[Brian71]

George I have been doing exactly that for the last few months, and hope my posts of support to others have helped them in some way,  but its time for me to take the stabilisers off the bike and try and go it alone. I didn't expect many to understand, AIS everyone's different, and this forum is a wonderful safe sanctuary where we can pour our innermost feelings out openly,  but occasionally it can also trigger things off, it has for me anyway, others may be totally different.   If it helps people by supporting others then who am I to deny them that, we each have to grab whatever positives we can find as much as we can,   anything to get us through these sad almost unbearable times.

In the event I fall of the bike, then rest assured I will be back,  I'll likely do as you do,  stay away for a while...well I shall see how it goes,  but as Hubby stated it can be a double edged sword, of that there is no doubt.  You take care my friend. 

[Brian71]

Thanks everyone for your replies, and indeed your understanding, as I was expecting few or indeed no-one to understand,  so I'm relieved somewhat to know it's not just me.   I think Hubby and Karen echoed my thoughts spot on, and in the future I may well come back to see how my friends are doing.

I know only too well how addictive forums can be,  I'm a mod on UKLUG (UK Linux User Group) and spend far too much time on there, certainly more than what's healthy for me that's for sure,  but it gives me an interest, and I've been a keen linux fan for 30yrs so yes helping others can be both interesting and satisfying,  but that forum doesn't leave me in tears...lol...I'm sure you know what I mean.

Anyway I wish everyone all the best, and hope at some point we can all find our way through this fog of sadness, that none of us wanted.
The one thing that we have all become aware of, certainly I have,  is the fact, we all grossly underestimated, and NEVER realised the emotional impact on our lives the loss of our wife or husband has,  I doubt any of us will really ever be the same again,  I know I won't. Thank you for your kindness and friendship,  You ALL take care.   

Best wishes....Brian

[Julie Magson]

Wishing you all the best Brian. You've helped me as have the others on here, will still think of you. Take Care.   

[Brian71]

Thank you Julie,  you have given me much support too
You take care of yourself.
 

[Brian71]

Thanks for all your replies and understanding.  I may occasionally have a quick browse to see how everyone is progressing but certainly not posting so often.

I wish you All well.

Best wishes......Brian

[Norma]

Its been said many times Brian, the door of buk never closes, yes we go through times when it hurts us so much to read about other peoples grief, but then theres the times when we need the same support, plus i like to think that though most of us have never met, we become friends who are always there for each other. Xx

 

[colin]

Hi Brian,
           Pleased you have decided to stick with the forum for a little longer,like you have said you don't  have to be on the forum daily,just knowing your friends are here when you want to chat,share feelings etc is a comfort in it's self.
                                               Stay strong my friend[one of many you have on here]
                                                                                           Colin.

[Brian71]

I noticed... like George, you too Colin are in the peak district, so already part way to Leed's...  so perhaps as Norma suggested maybe both of might consider going along to the Leeds meetup.

Incidently Colin,  as you and George both live fairly close to each other  have you or George thought about meeting up sometime and maybe occasionally share the odd nice Peak district walk or a chat over a meal out somewhere.....just a thought.
Men can be friends too...you know...lol

You take care my friend....