Author Topic: Why aren't I grieving?  (Read 1347 times)

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Offline Chloe

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Why aren't I grieving?
« on: October 11, 2018, 03:34:43 PM »
My Dad passed away almost four weeks ago, two months after he was told his cancer was terminal. From the day of his diagnosis myself and my two brothers shared being with him and mum, he needed lot's of support 24/7. I spent many nights sitting up with him, we talked and thankfully I had the chance to tell him how much he meant to me and what a wonderful Dad he was. I spent a lot of time crying, and feeling this can't be real. He died at home and we were all with him. The pain I felt in the following couple of days was immense. But since the funeral which was only two weeks ago I haven't cried I have not really felt anything. Why aren't I still grieving? Has anyone else experienced this?

Offline Emz2014

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Re: Why aren't I grieving?
« Reply #1 on: October 12, 2018, 07:11:56 AM »
Sending a welcome hug Chloe  :hug:

Grieving has many different faces/phases, it's a rollercoaster journey which has lots of different emotions. I think sometimes our mind numbs us to things for a while, enabling us to process more and more. It can be a very confusing journey, which can also feel like one step forward two steps back

My best suggestion is to take it day by day, try not to be hard on yourself about what you are feeling. Increase TLC and look after yourself.  Talking really helps to navigate all the different emotions xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline Chloe

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Re: Why aren't I grieving?
« Reply #2 on: October 12, 2018, 10:47:25 AM »
Thank you Emz
Yes I do feel numb and also guilty for not grieving in the way I feel I should be. I wonder if grief causes physical problems as my IBS has flared up and before Dad passed I hadn't had it for months.    :undecided:

Offline Karena

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Re: Why aren't I grieving?
« Reply #3 on: October 12, 2018, 11:12:46 AM »
absolutely grief can trigger physical problems like IBS -but please dont feel guilty about not gieveing "properly" there is no way that is the proper way - as Emz said its a roller coaster of emotions -Having spent the time you did with your dad during his illness and then funeral arrangements you are kind of on a mission and that keeps you active and adrenalin levels high. Everything you do is geared towards him, even the funeral. Your body and brain can only take so much of that before your body starts to rebel - hence the flare up - and sometimes your brain also tries to shut down the emotional rollercoaster and regulate things out a bit, as it is being bombarded from all sides which creates overload so it will focus on the physical -(survival) first. We are all different and so that might not be the same effect on others, but there is no prescibed way of coping with this  - there are described patterns of grief, but they are just patterns, not wrong or right ways to grieve. :hug: