Recent Posts

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Hi everyone, sorry Iíve been busy elsewhere, just wanted to pop in and say hi to you all and catch up with all your news. I might be getting another dog! Iíve applied to a rescue centre to adopt a three year old lurched cross called Fergal. The centre are sending a lady called jo to me tomorrow evening to assess me and my possible suitability. Iím off to Oxford on the train on Saturday morning for five days and itís my fiftieth birthday on Sunday! Iíve had ups and downs, Iíve been looking after Oscar still one day a week and alternating weekends, Iím hoping I can still do this with the next dog if Iím allowed to adopt him. He gets on well with most dogs but can be timid with large males so Iíll talk about it with the lady when she comes tomorrow. Hoping everyone is ok, xxx
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Thanks, maybe that's the thing, maybe I'm not quite defining 'being kind to myself' correctly. It's probably not as simple as I'm making it ...one night with coronation st and chocolate is probably not enough!
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And resilience means being able to 'bounce' back. Like a Japanese proverb, fall seven times and stand up eight.  On our rollercoaster, we will fall, we may sit and rest for a while.  Resilience isnt just keeping on going it's being able to keep trying, with rests if needed  :hearts: xx
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 :hug: :hug: :hug: to be honest even the best job in the world isnt going to prevent you grieving but yours does sound really dire.

It is so hard when the foundations of your life crumble like this and it really is very early days for you, i know a lot of people think the funeral is it, then life goes back to normal, and people fade away back into their own lives.Is there anyone outside work you can talk too - another relative or friend maybe some-one from your old workplace- because people dont know how to react too us and so sometimes we need to reach out first and then when they know we need support they step up.

I found writing here helped - the act of writing itself as well as replies, real friendships have grown from here  and we will be here as long as you need us - we even have an every day chat section because sometimes what we miss is just that every day conversation.Also i found keeping a diary helped - you can do your own here so you know where it is without searching through lots of different subjects  - mine took the form of letters writing too my husband about obviousely not just how much i missed him but all the other stuff i would have told him  anyway.

As for your job - this is probably the worst time to make life changing decisions, but it doesnt mean you cant think about them and plan towards them -so while you may have to stick it out for now keep an eye out for other opportunites or ways to create those opportunitys. I work in a solitary office and its not very interesting work in itself -but i,ve done some free online courses and started transferring my skills to other areas doing voluntary stuff - i think having things to do outside work can make a bad job feel better it becomes a means to an end not an end in itself and so doesnt feature so heavilly. I,m no social butterfly but i have filled the spare, previousely lonely time with other things over the last couple of years as a result of the courses.
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 :hug: No it doesnt mean you are not resilient,  and you are not failing, you are being human i think being kind to yourself means accepting that sometimes it simply isnt possible to carry on as normal and that it is  perfectly ok to feel the emotions that you do and express them. :hug:
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Introduce Yourself To Us All / Re: Not sure if I'm coping after losing Dad
« Last post by Gloria on October 17, 2018, 05:41:39 PM »
Thanks Karena, you're absolutely right. I read your message earlier this afternoon and the point you've made about it only being 7 weeks has really struck a chord. Obviously I know it's only 7 weeks but having someone else say it is actually very helpful. I pride myself on being really resilient and practical, and getting on with stuff, but struggling with this doesn't mean I'm not resilient and doesn't mean I'm failing. Part of the reason it's so incredibly hard is because of how much I love him, I'm really grateful of that. I'm so glad I found this forum!! Thank you so much.
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Please Post In This Bereavement Support Posting Room / Just lost my dad and not coping.
« Last post by Ham29 on October 17, 2018, 04:17:55 PM »
Hi,

My Grandad who raised me and has only ever been a Dad to me passed away very suddenly two weeks ago today. It was his funeral two days ago and I think the reality of it has now really hit me. I have absolutely no idea what to do, I'm not coping well at all. I feel completely and utterly broken. He wasn't just a Dad to me, he was my 'bestest bud' and my absolute hero and I just can't believe I'm never going to see him again. I feel like I've sunk into such a deep depression now. I went back to work for the first time this morning and just broke down when I spoke to my manager and was bombarded with backed up work. I'd started a new job two weeks previously which had turned out to be absolutely awful. The environment is so incredibly negative and nobody is happy in their roles. There's just four of us stuck in this porta cabin with windows that are blocked by the outside toilets, and nobody talks all day. Whenever I tried I'd just get one word answers and when I went in today none of them spoke to me or asked me how I was doing or anything. It's the worst environment to be in now that this has happened and I've come away feeling so incredibly depressed and lonely. I have no idea what to do or how to get through the day feeling like this. I desperately want to speak to my Dad about it and I can't believe I'm never going to be able to. Please help me.

Emma
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Introduce Yourself To Us All / Re: Not sure if I'm coping after losing Dad
« Last post by Karena on October 17, 2018, 01:14:55 PM »
Hi Gloria - seven weeks really is no time at all - although i know it feels like it when it has been 7 weeks of sruggling. coping is such a strange word  but  that feeling you want to withdraw and just functioning on autopilot is something that happens a lot and it is a natural reaction.
One thing i have found when you do start talking is to focus on the time when they were alive - sharing memories of happy times from childhood, things they might have said and done,can bring both smiles and tears but does get you talking to each other rather than all pretending  and keeping it about more trivial things in order not to upset each other.Meanwhile talk here we are here as long as you need and often just the act of writing stuff down can help. :hug:
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Introduce Yourself To Us All / Re: Not sure if I'm coping after losing Dad
« Last post by Gloria on October 17, 2018, 08:48:55 AM »
Thanks so much Emz. It's such a strange time, and think to get your head around. I've just no idea the right way to do it. I hope you're doing ok too x
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Introduce Yourself To Us All / Re: Not sure if I'm coping after losing Dad
« Last post by Emz2014 on October 17, 2018, 08:25:53 AM »
Sending you a welcome hug  :hug:

Reading your words it really resonated with me, your words certainly describe the start of my journey and I recognise the feeling you are describing. My dad was diagnosed with cancer, went downhill rapidly, but halfway through chemotherapy made big improvements. I remember dad even saying he could see a hope again.  But we then suddenly lost him. So sudden they had to do a post mortem as it was so surprising as he'd been doing so well

I find it hard to reach out for help, and I ended up being the strong one for the family. I had one friend who had experienced bereavement and she was the only one who could see behind the mask and would take the time to really ask how I was.  I found this forum when I was struggling and didn't feel I could reach out to friends as time had passed and it really helped me

Be gentle with yourself, it's a rollercoaster journey, lots of emotions, ups and downs.  Keep talking, it does help. It's a lonely journey but here you are not alone on it. :hearts: xx
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