Author Topic: New member  (Read 52 times)

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Offline MissyMelissy

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New member
« on: September 12, 2017, 07:37:39 PM »
Hello everyone, I am Mel. I'm 25.

 I lost my mum on the 19th of august. She was diagnosed with inoperable cancer just 6 weeks before we lost her. The day we found out I left my job and flat and went straight away and went back to Scotland to be with them (I moved to London after I graduated).  I've been with my family ( my dad, nana and siblings) since then until yesterday when I went back to my apartment for the first time since she was diagnosed.

I feel really strange, it comes in waves. Sometimes I feel almost okay and I just wander around with this heavy chest ache like I have a chest infection or something. Then it bubbles up and I feel totally overwhelmed and I cry and my mind gets filled with questions like why/how/when it all started.

My mum was my best friend as well as my mum. I would call her everyday sometimes multiple times and we'd facebook chat throughout the day about all sorts of things. I really really miss her.  :cry:

Offline Emz2014

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Re: New member
« Reply #1 on: September 12, 2017, 11:01:32 PM »
Sending a welcome hug  :hug:   xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline Karena

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Re: New member
« Reply #2 on: September 13, 2017, 06:25:28 PM »
Some questions will never be answered and we just learn to live with that but it takes time.Then there,s the split between wanting to have people around and wanting time on your own.Sounds like you had an independent life before and some kind of normality,whatever that is for us,is something else we yearn for.Even though life won't be the same again,when the foundations of life crumble its natural to try and hold on to what's left of our normal.That must be even more difficult after giving up your job.Unless you hated it,might it be worth giving them a ring and see if there is any chance of re applying.
Anxiety,and breaking down in tears are all also normal parts of this horrendous grief journey. :hug:

Offline MissyMelissy

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Re: New member
« Reply #3 on: September 13, 2017, 11:20:59 PM »
Some questions will never be answered and we just learn to live with that but it takes time.Then there,s the split between wanting to have people around and wanting time on your own.Sounds like you had an independent life before and some kind of normality,whatever that is for us,is something else we yearn for.Even though life won't be the same again,when the foundations of life crumble its natural to try and hold on to what's left of our normal.That must be even more difficult after giving up your job.Unless you hated it,might it be worth giving them a ring and see if there is any chance of re applying.
Anxiety,and breaking down in tears are all also normal parts of this horrendous grief journey. :hug:

I had planned to give up the job anyway, I had been saving to travel and around this time of year I had planned to start travelling. But at the moment I don't feel like I could fully experience it :(

Offline Karena

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Re: New member
« Reply #4 on: September 14, 2017, 12:37:22 PM »
It is really early days to do that,but something perhaps to look forward too when you feel stronger.

I lost my husband and determined to try and live my life for him, including travelling or doing things he would have liked to do, being his eyes on the world if you get what i mean.The first time i wrote everything down like a diary letter -how frightened i was at the airport,how much i missed him but how beautiful the sun on the rocks, the rainbow in the waterfall was etc etc.So in looking for and at things to write as a description for him i was also seeing much more and appreciating much more myself and creating positive memorys that i can call on when i have periods of anxiety or depression.

 But also my mum, who i lost many years before that, would i think be glad i had seen things she would have liked to see too, and as a mum myself i would like to think my daughters will also have that opportunity in their lives at some point.

 So maybe, even just planning, including things in your itinery that your mum would have appreciated might give you strength and confidence to do it later on and bring you some comfort after you get back.

Offline Emz2014

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Re: New member
« Reply #5 on: September 14, 2017, 05:51:53 PM »
I think planning sounds a good idea, and sometimes breaking it down into steps. Maybe trial some smaller stuff first. I found a list of new things I wanted to do/experience really helped, but also acknowledged that some days I needed to be gentler with myself as it can be a rollercoaster journey xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx