Hello Everyone - 3mths and it's no easier

[Brian71]

Hi everyone,  we are all here, because we have lost someone close to us,  in my case,  I lost my wife to cancer in April,  she had breast cancer just over 5yrs ago and in Oct 2013 they found tumors on her lung.  She had surgery on both occasions and was told continually told by doctors she was clear.

Sadly that was not the case, and was in the final days of terminal lung cancer, and no-one knew including her, she attended a cancer follow-up appointment and she never came out, she died 4 days later, an awful agonising death, she just could not breath.

[Norma]

Sending you a welcome hug Brian. Xx

 

Never apologse for a long post, xx

[Julie Magson]

Hello Brian, 3 months is such a short time. Don't be too hard on yourself or expect too much of yourself. It's 3 months for me too and I can sympathise and recognise many of the emotions you are going through. I only know from reading posts on here and FB that it DOES somehow get easier- I can't imagine how right now and I don't suppose you can either. Everyone is here for you when you need them.

[colin]

Hi Brian,
        Your story is so familiar,like you I lost the love of my life in April also,she had lung cancer 31/2yrs ago,had the operation to remove what we was told was a benign tumour,follow up x-rays over the following years were told everything looked good then out of the blue we discovered that the tumour had gone into her brain,following operation to de-bulk the tumour she had gamma knife surgery we thought that would do the trick {so we where told} 3 months or so after we got the news that the tumours had re appeared and the only course of treatment was whole head radio-therapy over 2weeks this she under went, but 7 weeks after treatment she lost her fight to life she was so brave throughout all the treatments and consultant visits. Had shocking treatment in the Q.M.C. Hospital so my Son and I Insisted that she came home,so we could care for her she was at home 7days before the sad end came. I feel so lost and alone and blame myself for, not protecting her,as I promised.
                        My thoughts are with you at this sad time,best wishes

[Norma]

That is why i believe so strongly about this group, where else can you open your heart, and share our losses and grief. We are all strangers but there's a bond  between us that helps us to tell each other things we could not tell family or friends, We  all feel each others pain, please keep posting xxx

 

[Hubby]

Hi Brian. Welcome to the forum.

The title of your post states that it is three months since you lost your wife and things are no easier. I lost my wife four and a half months ago and I feel the same way. If anything the feelings of loss seem to be getting stronger when they come. I used to think people grieved till the funeral then picked up their lives where they left off. How wrong I was. Nobody tells you about the mask bereaved people put on when they are out in public that hides the secret tears and pain behind closed doors.

If we think rationally though a few months is no time to start feeling better after losing someone we have spent decades with. At the moment even happy memories will remind us if our loss and set us off as you say time will make it easier and a few months really is no time at all.

Take care. 

[Brian71]

Thank you so much for your posts everyone,  I cannot agree with you more Norma about the importance a service this forum provides, as bereavement is often something very few people think about until it happens to them.  It is unique and fulfils a much needed role.
 

[Brian71]

Hi Brian. Welcome to the forum.

The title of your post states that it is three months since you lost your wife and things are no easier. I lost my wife four and a half months ago and I feel the same way. If anything the feelings of loss seem to be getting stronger when they come. I used to think people grieved till the funeral then picked up their lives where they left off. How wrong I was. Nobody tells you about the mask bereaved people put on when they are out in public that hides the secret tears and pain behind closed doors.

If we think rationally though a few months is no time to start feeling better after losing someone we have spent decades with. At the moment even happy memories will remind us if our loss and set us off as you say time will make it easier and a few months really is no time at all.

Take care. 

Hello and thank you my friend you are absolutely right of course, it is early days, and there is a lot of reality and truth in your thoughtful wise words,  though TBH I doubt I've been 100% rational since she passed away.  It comes in waves, some days better than others.  AAMOI do you find yourself occasionally talking to her as though she were still there, I do sometimes,  I also say good morning and when retiring for the night I'll tell her I love her before saying goodnight love,  something we did all our married life....or am I just heading for the loony house...lol

You take care also.       

[colin]

Hi Brian,
        First of all you are not looney because you talk to your Wife,I have done this also every morning and every night telling her how much I love and miss her and we should not be apart from each other,I have the nightie that she last worn and hold this in my arms everynight to my heart,always say goodnight before I go to sleep and miss her with all my heart and soul.
                                                                               Best Wishes Always.
                                                                                                    Colin.

[Julie Magson]

Well if you're heading to the looney house Brian then we are all going with you! I have been known to share a Cheese Savoury with my Alan!

[Norma]

Well then folks id better join the club, its coming up to 2 year for me 13th august to be exact, and goodnight and goodmorning are still my last words and first words plus touching his photo. So no were nit heading fir the loonet bin, its all part of our journey, how can you be with someone so ling and not still speak to them we had been martied 48 year when i lost my John, it is easier now but never ever forget or want to xxx

 

[Karena]

 
five years for me and  i still talk to him, his dressing gown is still hung behind the door too, but i must be a true  lunatic because i dont even consider it to be a lunatic thing to do.(there are things i do waay more lunatic than that.)

[Julie Magson]

Yep- my hubby's dressing gown is on the back of the door (I sometimes wear it when I need to feel he is hugging me), his cap is on the coat rack too.

[Karena]

  we have a camper van, it went wrong and we ended up having to remove the heater matrix, he was useless at getting rid of things (not kidding 4 sets of worn brake pads in the kitchen draw) so he left this thing on the kitchen windowsill and after mentioning it i made a point of not moving it (playing stubborn) -I came home one day and he had stuck a flower in it, then the whole thing became a joke, leaving silly messages for each other, sticking feather twigs allsorts. When he died i had to move house and that flipping thing resides on my kitchen windowsill in the new house because i couldnt bear to part with it. Next too it is the alternator (another long story)

His daft trilby camping hat goes with me everywhere on the dashboard. last year one of my daughters got married and the van was backup to transport kids but the white one my friend owned that was actually going to be the wedding car throw a wobbly two days before,so i tarted mine up as backup just in case it was needed. The hat was adorned with butterflys and a flower crocheted band,
i spent the day chuckling to myself about what he would have said if he had seen he state of it.I,ve never changed it back either, its revenge for the alternator.

I think thats the kind of thing that helps get you through,you know they arnt here but somehow carrying on with daft things like that affirms that the bond remains, and  they are is important as ever in your life.

[Hubby]

I'm another one for the madhouse. I'm always talking to Margaret around the house. There's also a set of her PJs on the back of the bedroom door ghat I touch on the shoulder whenever I walk past and her dressing gown is sewn into acushion that I sleep with.

It would have all seemed looney to me before I lost her but now I know that whatever gives us comfort in bereavement is normal.