Author Topic: Bereavement is getting to much for me !  (Read 97 times)

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Offline tojolong

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Bereavement is getting to much for me !
« on: June 08, 2018, 07:41:42 PM »
Hello. My name is James and i am 34 years old. I am struggling with the loss of my Uncle in November and my Dad in January. I lost them both to cancer, My uncle with a 12 months terminal diagnosis and my dad who was given just 3 months but only lasted 3 weeks. over the last few weeks i have been really struggling especially with the loss of my dad who i was so close to. Things have been made worse today by the diagnosis of my farther in law. He was taken into hospital this morning with breathing difficulties. He was quickly diagnosed with sepsis. We was also told that the scan results from 3 months ago was miss understood and he also has cancer. It has been found in his Liver, Lungs, Pancreas and Spleen. we have been told to take things hour by hour. I never really got on well with my farther in law but this has crushed my wife and all this is starting to take it toll on me.I hope i dont sound to selfish!  I am trying to support my wife as much as i can but i dont know if i can take anymore! Even today standing by his bed side in the hospital i was struggling, Not by seeing him but the Old man next to him. The gentleman was having breathing difficultys but i could hear what i call the Death Croak! I was with my dad for the 11 days he was in the hospice and his last 12 hours his breathing was really croaky and hearing the man today just brought it all rushing back and i dont know how much more i can take! Iv supported all my family over the last 8 months and tried to be as strong as i can for them but really inside i heart is crushing and i dont know what i can do anymore! I know they say talking about things helps but i dont have anyone to talk to and im lost ! Just anyone to talk to would be a great help!
« Last Edit: June 08, 2018, 07:44:17 PM by tojolong »

Offline Emz2014

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Re: Bereavement is getting to much for me !
« Reply #1 on: June 09, 2018, 10:39:24 PM »
Sending you a welcome hug  :hug:

January isnt that long ago on the bereavement  journey, its not surprising you are struggling with being in the hospital and supporting your wife. I had a number of things happen in the year after losing my dad and it made it so tough

Everyone here has lost loved ones, I found it helped me so much to be able to talk to others who understand.  Hope we can be support for you xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline Karena

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Re: Bereavement is getting to much for me !
« Reply #2 on: June 11, 2018, 12:44:09 PM »
 :hug:you can talk here and we will be here as long as you need us to be -
 i do understand how difficult this is for you -because  whats being forced onto you, seeing, hearing, smelling, even being in a hospital setting drags up the lowest times of our lives, and  the things we cannot forget about the last moments of theirs, but we somehow try to put them in a box at  the back of our minds and attempt to slam the lid shut. And now some-one is prizing the lid back open, when you have not had time to gather any strength to deal with them or put any distance between you and them.
Because you have been strong people will look to you for that strength again -especially now -  which must be a huge force pressing down on you - i dont know what the answer is, or if there are any,but coming here and talking is a good start.
Dealing with the hospital situation i wonder if there is something you can take with you -a reminder of another time and place that you can hold - i know it sounds a bit airy fairy - but something you have in your pocket -  a pebble from a beach you spent some happy time - something as simple as that to help you focus your mind on something outside those immediate suroundings.I have a crystal - and it helps when in a situation that creates this kind of anxiety - so perhaps he same idea might work for you. 

Offline tojolong

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Re: Bereavement is getting to much for me !
« Reply #3 on: June 13, 2018, 03:59:59 PM »
Well as hard as it has been over the last few days my farther in law passed away last night at 20:10 . Just 2 hours after i had convinced my wife to come home and spend some time with our 3 children ! So now i am blaming myself for her not being their ! My head is a total mess with everything reminding me of when my dad passed ! I just dont know what to do anymore ! I really dont !

Offline Karena

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Re: Bereavement is getting to much for me !
« Reply #4 on: June 14, 2018, 11:02:40 AM »
My mum passed away having sent us home because it was snowing -  i did feel horribly guilty for a long time -but many nurses say it happens quite often that people do this because they dont want to put a loved one through watching them die - so awful as it sounds it could be he was hanging on for her to leave.
You were concerned about your wife and acting from that concern,doing what you thought was best at the timenone of us can ever do more than that, you had no way of knowing what would happen.I know its difficult to believe right now especially when you are trying to to cope with your own losses but you honestly have nothing to feel guilty about. :hug: