Author Topic: When does grieving really hit?  (Read 1925 times)

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Offline mummyof433

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When does grieving really hit?
« on: December 24, 2018, 10:44:48 AM »
My darling mother passed away on 4th December, we have just had her funeral, but I can't accept she is really gone. Don't get me wrong, I have cried many tears especially when she first passed, then at her funeral, but apart from that, there hasn't been many as I can't accept she is gone forever. When will it finally hit me? I have 4 children, 2 of whom have cried their share of tears, and I have had to be strong for them too, 1 is too young to really understand and another who has autism so doesn't express anything and just carries on his life as normal. I really am going to find it hard spending our 1st Christmas away from her, but I know her spirit will be with us. I just need to grieve

Offline Kes1968

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Re: When does grieving really hit?
« Reply #1 on: December 26, 2018, 04:58:36 PM »
hi there,
I lost my lovely mum in february this year and its really hit home this week, its my first Christmas without her, we lost dad in 2004, and i miss him too, but i have really felt their loss acutely this past week. I spent christmas eve and christmas day with two close friends who were brilliant and i have to admit we did have a lot of laughs. but i wanted to come home to my own house today.
 Im so sorry to hear of your loss, at least you have family round you, hope you can draw some comfort from them. xxx
stick around on the forum, i have found great support here.

Offline Twinkle

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Re: When does grieving really hit?
« Reply #2 on: December 27, 2018, 12:24:35 PM »
 :hug:
Its  been 25 years since Dad died and 18 months since Mum , for me grief has been different varied and ongoing, both times I made the mistake of letting people tell me how I should or shouldnt feel,  grief does not hit you then go, it comes in waves, a thought, a sight  an occasion anything can trigger a wave, that's okay, there are good days bad days, you find comfort in things, I keep photos close play the music they liked, it's not for everyone, I miss them both everyday, at times it hurts unbearably, but I just keep feeling what I need to feel and at times the memories are so strong and I can laugh,
Sending you all my love and hugs, take comfort in what you can, it's okay to acutely feel their loss, this forum has been a big help to me

Offline Emz2014

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Re: When does grieving really hit?
« Reply #3 on: December 27, 2018, 04:19:13 PM »
It seems to me that the disbelief that they are gone is a part of grief.  Grief isnt one set state, like others have said it comes as waves and has many different facets. So many different emotions and can be a rollercoaster - just when you think you are getting used to things a twist or dip happens  :hearts: 
One thing that does seem to help is talking with others who understand this journey xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline Dawn Keenan

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Re: When does grieving really hit?
« Reply #4 on: January 01, 2019, 11:34:21 AM »
All of this sounds so familiar I thought after Christmas was over I would start to try and pick up the pieces but something devastating happened yesterday and I feel worse than ever. I'm at rock bottom and at the moment can't se any way forward. I've tried to get counselling but could only leave an ansaphone message I actually rang the Samaritans last night but if I'm honest I didn't find it helpful except that I got to speak to a person. I am hoping to take some comfort in reading others' stories it's all I can think of to do at the moment.

Offline Sandra61

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Re: When does grieving really hit?
« Reply #5 on: January 03, 2019, 01:05:17 PM »
Sounds like it's still very early days for you, Mummyof433. All I can say is take it one day at a time, don't expect this to be a quick journey or one that you can ever truly say is over. Loss is a life-changing event for those left behind and I'm not sure it is ever one that you really come to terms with. I think six months or so later was one of the lowest points for me, when I spent a week in complete panic and meltdown. There will be good and bad days, but time does at least help you accept the reality of life around you gradually. I wouldn't say it heals. I think you have to put some personal effort into that, by being patient with yourself and not expecting too much of yourself and just taking how ever long you need to come to terms with things. I don't think crying is necessarily 'expected' either. Cry when you need too - I generally do when I can't do anything else - but I don't think tears are a measure of grief, more a release valve for pain. Talking on here helps and whatever else you feel you need to do, but this will be a long lasting journey, I'm afraid, so one day at a time is the best way to go. Sending hugs..xx