I think all of us have probably used copious amounts of alcohol to get through at times, we all know it's not the answer but there you go.
Like you am dreading tonight, today, Christmas was bad enough.
As for work I totally understand, I had to keep going in, as I am the only one working, i was suffering from PTSD and the job seems to have become more and more toxic, it's only now, after counselling that I really feel I need to and should change jobs, maybe retrain completely, it's hard as it opens up it's own problems, not being able to share it with Mum etc, I want to try doing some volunteering work in New Year, but all the time I am aware it's just baby steps, as living without them everyday is battle enough