Author Topic: And still it hurts  (Read 2068 times)

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Offline Twinkle

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And still it hurts
« on: February 17, 2019, 01:44:57 PM »
So it is 18 months now since my Mum died of a heart attack in my arms, 25 years to the day Dad had died, I continue to be overwhelmed by hurt, memories  come flooding back all the time and the loss just hits me all over again, I have had counseling and the PTSD  of that night is tempered somewhat but the pain remains

Offline Sandra61

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Re: And still it hurts
« Reply #1 on: February 17, 2019, 11:33:09 PM »
So sorry you are still feeling so hurt, Twinkle. Yours sounds like a very difficult experience and it is understandable that it has stayed with you so long and upset you so much. Do try to take some comfort from the fact that your mum and dad are at least not suffering anymore and try to look forward. I am sure they would not want you to be so very upset indefinitely. All you can do now is live the life they gave you and make the best of it for them. I am sure they would want you to try to be happy. Wishing you peace and hoping you will gradually feel a little better. xx

Offline Karena

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Re: And still it hurts
« Reply #2 on: February 18, 2019, 10:27:54 AM »
 :hug: It is a long slow drag - i think there will always be times when it hurts but we learn how to cope with those times rather than try to  prevent them happening - to me acceptance is not as often portrayed as being something where we accept they are gone then suddenly miraculousely move on as if they never were here, but when we accept that we will always miss them and sometimes that missing will lead to great sadness, but also to recognise that at other times we will feel an echo of the things they said and did, things that were loving, kind funny, even mildly irratating - and with our parents the traits we recognise in ourselves as being from them.
But instead of them being always sad, as we see them as something that will never happen again, sometimes we will smile too ourselves and see them as part of our very rich past the people who made us and created who we are now, defined not by their loss, but by their life.

Offline Twinkle

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Re: And still it hurts
« Reply #3 on: February 18, 2019, 05:48:32 PM »
Thank you both  :hearts:

You are both so right, it's a long difficult progress, I am slowly learning that I will forever miss them, and life will never be the same,  I am trying to  acknowledge the hurt and at the same time try to smile at the memories,
I will be 50 this year, my Mum would have been so so excited, nothing sits right anymore

Offline Karena

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Re: And still it hurts
« Reply #4 on: February 19, 2019, 01:11:05 PM »
 :hug:My fiftieth was within months of keith dying i wanted to ignore it, and said as muc,h but friends had other ideas and i ended up eating cake on a campsite in a beautiful place called Goredale scar - which then bacame a new place to visit in later times and complete the challenge of climbing it.I wouldnt have gone along with it if i had known but at the same time desite the dread when i realised what was happening i did enjoy it and it became a new memory to take forward - we take our loved ones with us through these events because if they were here they would have been a part of them in body - now they are still part of them just in a different way. :hug:

Offline Twinkle

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Re: And still it hurts
« Reply #5 on: February 19, 2019, 06:30:54 PM »
I am actually having a party with four  of my friends who grew up with me  and we have remained friends to this day,  it's in June  my birthday October . Like you say it will be a new memory to take away, the actual  day will  be hard

Offline Karena

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Re: And still it hurts
« Reply #6 on: February 20, 2019, 11:03:46 AM »
 :hug:hard but do-able and it will be nice to spend time away with your friends.

Offline Twinkle

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Re: And still it hurts
« Reply #7 on: February 20, 2019, 06:00:37 PM »
It will always be hard I think, but my friends, thankfully are lifelong and understand x