Author Topic: New anxious member  (Read 269 times)

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Offline Gingey

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New anxious member
« on: August 06, 2017, 10:46:41 AM »
I feel so empty and sad, stressing yoo. How to deal with anxirty over being alone?

Offline longedge

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Re: New anxious member
« Reply #1 on: August 06, 2017, 01:39:25 PM »
Hi Gingey, that's a difficult one and I'm sure that not everyone reacts the same way as I have done right from the start. I'm really only comfortable when I'm at home and often it's as if Chris is here with me so I don't feel the loneliness too badly. I know others who are unable to be in the house alone and constantly go out - I think as time goes by you will find out what suits you best. Sometimes you just have to 'hunker down' and wait for it to pass.
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I'll never get over losing her but,
one day I might learn to live with it.

        ~ I'm George by the way ~

Offline Emz2014

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Re: New anxious member
« Reply #2 on: August 06, 2017, 02:57:05 PM »
In the past when I have felt like that I have immersed myself in a hobby.  I find if I do that, i become so absorbed the time passes quicker.  One particular occasion I spent all the hours each eve over one week (days were at work) working on a pencil drawing.
Could also try reading a good book you can get lost in
Or if I'm particularly aggitated and cant settle I do housework or that type of task (like cleaming windows etc) xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline Gingey

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Re: New anxious member
« Reply #3 on: August 06, 2017, 04:55:42 PM »
Thanks for replies.
I do hope that you think it will pass, I yo yo between going out and staying in . Sometimes I just cant concentrate on reading or tv or housework.
I would like to feel my husbands presence at home, maybe that will come?

Offline Karena

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Re: New anxious member
« Reply #4 on: August 06, 2017, 05:42:18 PM »
Its really easy to let things go I don't mean housework so much as mhome comforts,my weekend started out with the blues,didnt get a lot better yesterday ,but today I bought myself some flowers and lit candles round the stove,I,m about to have a long bath.just spoiling yourself a bit whatever form that might be for you can de stress things
.If your anxiety is around getting stuff done write a list,put what has to be done first at the top then the less immediate stuff towards the bottom then just do one at a time,one a day if possible and draw a line through it,when you write it you may find its not so huge and unachievable and seeing the lines drawn through reminds you how much you have achieved.
I fell down the stairs luckily didn't break anything,but it made me realise if I had no one would have known for days,so now I have got into the habit of carrying my phone around,don't really think twice about it now.Gave a spare key too a friend,and take the key out of the door when it gets locked.
Then someone opened the front door to throw in some junk mail and the dog got out,so then I realise anyone could have got in,so lock it if I,m out the back.Its just a case of changing habits or creating new ones,check smoke alarms etc.
I think the more relaxed at home you can be,the more chance you will feel him around you,but if you're constantly anxious and stressed maybe it is there but you are not able to feel it.


Offline longedge

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Re: New anxious member
« Reply #5 on: August 06, 2017, 06:08:06 PM »
Excellent points made by Karena there. After my brother-in-law came into my livving room one day and woke me up (I was asleep on the sofa) I realised that I needed to lock up even when I was in the house. I also have my mobile with me 100% of the time and that's the way that visitors usually attract my attention to come and unlock the door  :smiley:
---------------------------------------------
I'll never get over losing her but,
one day I might learn to live with it.

        ~ I'm George by the way ~

Offline Gingey

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Re: New anxious member
« Reply #6 on: August 06, 2017, 06:40:47 PM »
I do get stressed when things go wrong at home but on a daily basis it is thoughts of a future being alone and how ill equipped I feel to deal with that. I dont gave many friends and like others have mentioned in.posts, people who were in touch in the beginning no longer are. I work part time now ad we had intentions of winding down for retirement in a couple of years, days off and weekends just so empty.

Offline Gingey

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Re: New anxious member
« Reply #7 on: August 14, 2017, 06:12:04 PM »
Feeling really anxious today, hardly slept last night and my body is exhausted.
I get anxious because I dont seem able to adjust to being on my own. I know it is not possible to be always with someone either friend or family, both in short supply.....
I hate this feeling tension and anxiety.
Have others experienced this
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Offline Karena

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Re: New anxious member
« Reply #8 on: August 14, 2017, 07:29:37 PM »
Yes I had panic attacks and am generally more anxious than I was previously.but its not surprising really,none of us planned for being alone,even when we knew it was a possibility,there is always one left behind,that possibility was always sometime in the future.Even though,as we had both been widowed before,and as friends before it was even a relationship had discussed this in a general way, as in a reason not to have any new relationships ( let alone with each other) but in the end we got married and had learned nothing from before.There wernt any plans or preparation,for this.and with me what is silly is that when it comes too most of the things that I get anxious about I would have been the decision maker,the problem is not having anyone to question,point out faults or approve them,and no one to say it will be alright.I don't have panic attacks any more,but I like to have a well thought out plan  and a back up for things I am going to do,but also at the same time the complete contradiction of taking each thing as it comes,because one thing all this has taught me is that there is no predictable future.
Sponteneity has pretty much gone out of the window. I dont drink because i need to feel in control.
I love to travel but inside the confident looking middle aged experienced traveller is a quavering wreck.The confidence comes from planning . I,m at the airport early,if I have a transit I go straight to the boarding gate to check where it is before doing anything else.If I,m going on the train I want to check out the whole route,have plenty of time for platform changes,have an alternative route or alternative trains if I miss one.I can cope with most things as long as I have a plan but it isn't like I used to be.
I also have props,usually a camera,to justify being somewhere,make it look like I have purpose.
Everyday things,vehicle repairs plumbing etc becomes a more major thing than it really is,finding my limits was interesting (lost my front teeth felling a tree) would never touch electrics,but for many things it has been a case of taking a deep breath calming down,remembering how he did something or googling,then getting stuck in.In the last few weeks I,be filled a hole and resprayed the campervan wheel arches, and fixed the loo,you will perhaps be surprised at what you can do but getting the confidence to do it like everything else on this journey takes time.

On an emotional level the idea of spending the rest of my life alone terrified me,but at the same time the idea of being in another relationship was unthinkable too, so I,m more accepting of that now.I wouldn't rule it out but I,m certainly not looking,just take life as it comes,and slay the monsters that have to be slain,and ignore the ones that dont.

Offline Gingey

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Re: New anxious member
« Reply #9 on: August 15, 2017, 03:33:38 PM »
Thanks for sharing so much.
How did you deal with the panic attacks and anxiety if you dont mind my asking?
I am trying relaxation tapes, hypnosis tapes all from you tube, as yet dont serm to help
Like you I was the decision maker mostly although have always bern a worrier...that not help now.
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