Author Topic: Loss of my father  (Read 1426 times)

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Offline MelodyJennifer

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Loss of my father
« on: August 08, 2018, 12:17:11 PM »
Hi guys,

I feel like I need some advice. I lost my dad suddenly just over two weeks ago. He died when visiting me suddenly from a pulmonary embolism. I had to perform CPR on him and unfortunately couldn’t save him.

I lost my mother years ago but I hadn’t seen her for years and we weren’t close so it didn’t effect me much. The loss of my dad is the first big death in my life and I am unsure what to do.

I feel sad that I will never speak to him again and never see him smile at me. My heart aches with the loss of him and I don’t know how to react. People say grief is a personal thing and I know it will get better but I want to know if there were any tips for helping me move on and manage to come to terms with this?

I have already been to the doctor and they suggested counselling, I am trying to organise that right now and thought that a forum would be a good interim initially.

Thanks in advance for your help

Melody
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Offline Karena

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Re: Loss of my father
« Reply #1 on: August 09, 2018, 02:12:51 PM »
HI melody.
Its very early days for you and this can be a long and complicated roller coaster of a journey - counselling helped me and being on this forum did too because we are all at some stage of it and so just when you think you are really losing the plot you are not grieveing "properly" because others around you who havnt experienced it have different expectations you will find some-one here who feels the same loss of control . It is also somewhere just to write when sometimes you cant speak and in writing helps you make sense of what are often very confused and mixed thoughts and emotions.You are right it is a personal journey but you also find others have or have experienced the same things.

 :hug: There is  magic pill but until life does get better there is help along the way and both counselling and this place can provide that.

I think the greatest barrier is accepting our grief and all that it brings us.My tip is to think about grief in the same way as a physical injury.Be kind to yourself Be patient with yourself and accept even when you can get out of bed, that wont mean you can runa marathon but it sthe first stage of a long process and there isnt a set timeframe 

If you badly broke your leg you know its going to get better, but you know it will be a long time before it does. For a while the pain is acute constant pain then it lessens but returns when the painkiller wears off -
You will learn to walk again over time, and along the way you will fall and the pain will return and youre back in bed, but the falls are less devastating as time goes on and you get some balance back and you slowly grow stronger.
At various points in that process and in both cases of grief and physical injury you may feel frustrated/angry/depressed and hopeless and with grief perhaps there is less sympathy from others because they cannot see the plaster cast and crutches - but that doesnt mean they are not there or that their expectations means you are somehow doing things wrong it just mean they cant see them.

Eventually  even when you are left with a scar a limp and the aching on a bad day, just as might happen with the physical injury you will come to accept that it is a part of who you are now and that who you are now is not flawed just diffferent to who you were before, but that even with all that you can still run that marathon when you are ready.

All i can promise is that sometimes you will leap the hurdles thrown in your path or push them over -sometimes you will find a way to go round them but you will get past them and you will not always feel this bad.