Author Topic: newbie  (Read 1550 times)

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Offline Barb

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newbie
« on: August 21, 2018, 03:24:54 PM »
Hi, I posted my first introductory post last night, thank you to the admin folks for their kind replies and so soon too, I now see a message asking me to make my next post here, so here I am again, Barb, 69 years old,an Aquarian, we lost our only daughter my Lee, in January, no grandchildren, I have an older brother, who I look out for :) Lee died in January, her dad my best friend and husband of 48 years cancelled his scheduled hip replacement  back in May 2016 when Lee was diagnosed with stage 4 terminal, no hope cancer, not due to lack of us trying to find out what was wrong with her, we tried, God knows how hard we tried, by the time anyone took any notice , it was way to late, since then everything has been a blur, my thoughts are all over the place, as I guess is obvious by my emails, anyway, I "disposed" of Lee's home after her death,on my own again, then in May this year Steve was finally able to have that operation, so I was back in nursey uniform shortly after losing Lee, it was so hard, I do not know how I did it, let alone Steve, I wasn't even having the op, but he was only in hospital 1 night and it was over to me then, I do have happy news, he is now doing just great, I think I am supposed to say how I want to be supported in this post, but I just don't know, what I do know is people expect me to be perfectly normal now, and I am anything but normal, like I said in my previous post, I do know grief, I have lost other family members in all sorts of ways, and I have dug in and pulled through, I believe in mind-fullness and I TRY to practice it, and each day I go through the motions, I cook and clean and shop and recently began walking for leisure again, and yesterday I even picked up my crochet hook for the first time in 3 years, and the tears just fall, anytime, anywhere any place, even now, typing this I have just started blubbing again, why ?it won't help, sorry, if I am going to go on like this, it is not helping anyone.

Offline Emz2014

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Re: newbie
« Reply #1 on: August 21, 2018, 08:54:27 PM »
There's no expectations here, no shoulds or shouldn'ts, use the forum as you need. Some people need it to ask questions, others need to share their thoughts. We even have a daily chat thread, for when you just need to share something from your day. Whatever you need we are here  :hug:
January is not that long ago, this is such a tough rollercoaster - but you're not alone here on this journey.  This forum aims to be a safe place you can download how you're feeling with no judgement  :hearts: xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline Karena

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Re: newbie
« Reply #2 on: August 22, 2018, 12:42:53 PM »
 :hug: As Emz said, no expectations, the mesage is really just a guideline - Its really good news of course that you are no longer needing to play nurse - but i think maybe it partly answers the question of why you are feeling it all so badly now - As Emx said, and you will know fom losing people before, it is a long roller coaster of a journey - but also i think you moved so quickly into being nurse again and i think when we are a carer we feel even more the need to be "strong" and maybe try and put away our own feelings and pain in doing so. Even the role itself as carer becomes how we define ourselves -and when we are not fulfilling that role we dont know who we are -if that makes sense,
 I dont know if you have been offered or asked about bereavement counselling but it might be worth considering -we are not trained grief counsellors but all have grief in common  - experience and empathy is something i found valuable valuable and not limited to  timed sessions once a week  i found a combination of the two worked because while the sessions helped me think differently this place helped me write and make sense of that thinking - and was here long after the seeions ended.

As well as this section as Emz said sometimes just every day chat can help but also you can start a diary of your own - i used to write letters to my husband in there -telling him not just what i missed about him but what was going on with grandkids,how the garden was looking etc  - by doing that it helped me focus on those things too rather than just grief - because to write them i had to see them and think about them.
Its entirely up to you how you use the site we are all different but we are here as long as you need us to be. :hug: