Author Topic: Missing my mum  (Read 1231 times)

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Offline Autumnleaves

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Missing my mum
« on: December 06, 2018, 08:03:07 AM »
Hello everyone, I've joined the group because I'm looking for an outlet for my grief after losing my mum suddenly on 21st Oct this year. I hope this turns out to be a good place to visit. I think I'm supposed to say more in the next forum rather than here so that's all for now. Thank you.

Hello again,
As I said in the introductory post I lost my mum suddenly nearly seven weeks ago. Can it really only be that long ago? It feels like an eternity. I've been through a whole range of emotions. Shock was the worst one so far because she died suddenly. I had only just been to visit them (so thankful for that now), flew back from Glasgow to Bristol, then the next day my brother phoned to say she had died. Just like that. After the worst flight in the world (sobbing uncontrollably at airport) and a sleepless night, we learnt that it had probably been a heart attack. Poor mummy, she had suffered from many things in her life and in the end death took her unexpectedly.

We were glad for her; it seemed it had been swift and pain short-lived; as if life had been painful enough for heer. But oh, the pain, the hole, the emptiness, the sheer nooooooooooooooo! It left us (my two brothers, dad and I)
It's exhausting typing about it now; I hoped it would help, and perhaps it will in time, but there's such a deep agony and pain still. I wish I had friends closer who could help. I'm eventually going to move back up to Scotland which means leaving my partner. This had been on the cards for nearly a year anyway, mum's passing has just hastened the decision and yet there's so much to think about and process my mind keeps going into meltdown.

My mummy was the most beautiful, kindest, selfless person in the world. I just can't believe she's not still there. Losing a mum is perhaps the most difficult loss because she was the person who gave me life - how can my life continue without her? I have seriously asked myself that question many times and yet I know it happens to everyonhe at some point in their life.

"If this is just my grief," I asked my partner at the airport on the day she died, "there might be others here in this mass who have also just heard devastating news. How come we're not being squashed into the ground? The weight is too much. IT'S TOO BIG. It's a dream, isn't it? They'll phone again in a minute to say they made a mistake. She was just asleep. Tell me it's not true!" Those were some of the words I screamed out at my poor partner minutes after hearing the news.

It's too painful to write any more. I thought it was going to get easier, but I don't think it is. I have nothing in life to look forward to. I've had a headache for 10 days and those icons are driving me mad!
Thanks for reading, B
« Last Edit: December 06, 2018, 04:21:21 PM by Autumnleaves »

Offline Sandra61

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Re: Missing my mum
« Reply #1 on: December 09, 2018, 11:52:22 PM »
So sorry Autumn Leaves. I lost my mum on October 9th, 2017, so it's just a little over a year on for me, but I identify completely with your description of how it has made you feel. I felt much the same over those early days, well, the first six months really. Like you, total meltdown and unbearable pain and crying all the time! But if that's how you feel, just go with it. Do try to make sure you eat and drink.

After a few months, I felt like I was drowning in my grief and I made a conscious decision to go out and join a class and take up a new interest, just to escape it, get me out of the house and make me think about something else, if only for a couple of hours a week and I did find that helped, so it might be something you could try later on. It's still the strongest stratagem I have in my armoury of survival.

The waves of upset still wash over me from time to time, but gradually it is getting easier to bear. It's still very early days for you, so do whatever helps for now. Take care of yourself and just take it one day at a time.

Sending hugs and sympathy...