Author Topic: Hi  (Read 2972 times)

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Offline Sue D

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Hi
« on: February 27, 2019, 06:02:21 PM »
Hi everyone, I’m Sue and my husband John died of a massive stroke on 8th November. It was  a huge shock as he had been fit and healthy and one I’ve found difficult to come to terms with.
I had only taken early retirement 4 weeks earlier and we had so many plans but mainly to enjoy spending more time together.
I’ve seen  some posts which I have found helpful already.


Offline Emz2014

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Re: Hi
« Reply #1 on: February 27, 2019, 09:46:24 PM »
Sending you a warm welcome hug  :hug: xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline Pam19

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Re: Hi
« Reply #2 on: February 27, 2019, 10:42:21 PM »
Hi Sue D
I’m sorry to hear your husband died so suddenly....it’s a massive shock! I lost my husband in Oct 18 so it’s early days still for me too. My husband went to work and never came home...he was 53. I had the police knock at my door and tell me my husband had died in an accident at work...it was the worst day of my life.
I joined this forum as well as the face book page because everyone on here understands what we’re going through....I am finding it really helpful.
I keep myself busy ( currently off work) and make myself go out everyday and see people which does help, albeit I do have my private sobbing my heart out moments too....quite a lot but my gp said crying was a good thing. I can’t see a future without my husband so I’m just taking each day as it comes, which is more bearable.
My kids (who have left home but live close) tell me I’m a bit manic as I’m always running around...it’s just how I have to be at the moment....and I keep getting told there is no right or wrong way to deal with loss/grief so just be kind to yourself, keep talking on here and/Facebook page and hopefully you won’t feel like you’re going through this alone  :hearts:

Offline Sandra61

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Re: Hi
« Reply #3 on: February 28, 2019, 09:34:34 PM »
Welcome Sue, so sorry to hear what happened to your husband. My mother suffered two strokes towards the end of her life. The second was massive too, as with your husband. She survived it, but only for about seven more weeks. So I know how much of a shock it is, though at least my mother was old, so it was less unexpected. You will find lots of sympathy from the members both here and on the facebook page. Sadly it can't change what happened, but I can promise you from experience, it does help to know that there are others out there who understand and are going through similar feelings. Just take it one day at a time. It's a long and difficult road to walk, but it really does get a little easier as time passes and you begin to accept what has happened. It really is true that you never know what's round the corner. Again, so very sorry. Sending you strength and a hug :hug:

Offline Sue D

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Re: Hi
« Reply #4 on: March 04, 2019, 09:20:25 PM »
Thanks Pam19 and Sandra61, sorry I’ve not replied earlier, had a bad few days recently.
I’d decided I was ready to sell John’s golf clubs which he only bought in September, but once I started the process realised i’m not yet and it knocked me back a lot.
 I try to get out everyday too, but it’s the coming home when he’s not here i’m finding so hard.
I also can’t see a future, if I look ahead it’s just a blank and is very scary, so am also trying to take one day at a time.
Thank you for your understanding, I feel I will be able to say things on here I don’t to my family and friends, even though they’ve all been great.
I’ve just found out I’ve got a place on a support group starting on Thursday for 6 weeks, so am hoping it will help- I’ll let you know how it goes.

Offline Pam19

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Re: Hi
« Reply #5 on: March 06, 2019, 09:09:54 PM »
I hope the support group helps Sue D....and yes, let us know if it helps. I have gone through some of my husbands things and given his tools (he was a mechanic by trade) to his nephew who is also a mechanic. The latest thing which hit me was his car...which he absolutely loved to drive...his nephew is going to try and sell it for me and when I heard the engine for the last time and saw him drive off I felt like I was losing my husband all over again....so wierd.

Yes I also find it hard coming home without him here and I find myself watching the same tv programs as we always have but sometimes I’m just looking at the tv but not actually taking anything in.

Keep in touch....nice talking to you xxx

Offline Sue D

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Re: Hi
« Reply #6 on: March 06, 2019, 09:59:18 PM »
Hi Pam
I feel like I could have written your message, John too was a mechanic , but he had already got rid of his tools , having been made redundant in June. I also had to sell his car and I felt exactly the same as you. I have been trying to watch one of ‘our’ programmes, but had to keep replaying it as I couldnt concentrate, so gave up for now.

It’s nice talking to you too, speak soon xx

Offline Sandra61

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Re: Hi
« Reply #7 on: March 07, 2019, 09:43:03 AM »
Hello Sue,

Coming home to an empty house is one of the hardest things, I agree. Some people leave a light and/or the radio on so that the house isn't completely dark and silent when they get in and find that helps. I put flowers in the hallway, as I found that welcoming and reassuring somehow.

I recognise what you say about watching TV programmes too. My mum's favourite programme was on TV soon after she had died and whilst one part of my mind was watching and enjoying it, I found myself also in floods of tears at the same time because it made me so aware that she wasn't there to watch it with me.

The car. Oh yes! It is hard to comprehend how a hunk of metal can come to mean so much to us, but it does! I hung on to my dad's care after he died until it was nearly falling apart - only because it was his and I could picture him driving it and remembered how much he liked it. Now I drive the car I used to drive my mum around in and am all too aware that she always occupied the seat next to me and at the same time I feel both close to her there and aware of her absence. It is comforting to still have a car she travelled around it in some way. I lost her almost a year a half ago now, but still find it very hard to let any of her things go. I don't mind getting rid of things she didn't use or wear very often, but anything I can picture her in or that she used a lot, I still can't let go. It is a long slow process for us all and a painful one, I'm afraid. I am sure it is all part of grief. We try to hold on to some part of the person we have lost and can't let them go easily. The things that were there are like some extension of their presence and so take on a significance in our eues and hearts that doesn't really make sense, except it does to us. And it's somehow more than sentimentality. It's like if we have their things around, it's like we haven't completely lost them.

Take your time and go at your own pace. It will gradually become clear what you need to keep and when you are ready to let something  go. There's no rush. Take care of you for now. That will be hard enough..xx :hearts: