The forum is a good place to unload, to be able to say what we think and how we feel, and know that people understand
Its a rollercoaster journey. As time passes the level of pain/intensity will ease. There will be times it will come back for a bit with more intensity, often when we are facing hard times in our lives, but gradually over time we find the easier days grow in number between the bad.
Have you considered accessing some counselling, to give you the opportunity to talk about how you feel and help you to change your focus away from those last days? It you think about a book, we dont focus on the full stop at the end we remember all the rich details and wonderful memories throughout the story, that journey has so much more value. Our loved ones can live on through us by us carrying on with the lessons they taught us, the beliefs and values they taught us. You could pop and have a chat with your Dr or access some counselling through Cruse.
Meanwhile, we are always here if you want to unload and chat. Maybe you might find writing daily might help? We have had members write to their loved ones each day, telling them what has happened etc. Maybe you might find that helpful?
You say you live alone, it could be that this has heightened a feeling of loneliness after losing both parents. Have you got some close friends you could plan to see in your evenings? Are you getting out and about? Coming out of winter doesnt help, I think we often stay indoors more and arent out and about in nature as much
Keep talking with us. We often need to talk about our loss, sometimes more than once, to help us process our loss xx