Author Topic: Am new here.  (Read 1430 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Parkoswifey

  • Newbie
  • *
  • Posts: 2
  • Karma: +0/-0
Am new here.
« on: April 06, 2019, 12:20:31 AM »
Hi everyone. Im Muriel but everyone calls.me Miz.
My partner of 6 years passed away tragically on the 6th feb 2019..he was 26. I remember saying bye and I love you on that morning when he went to work and we had plans sorted for that evening..the evening for us never came..as 5 hours after leaving the house..police were knocking at my door. My partner was a tree surgeon and the best there was. So I was told a major accident had happened..my partner was crushed when an oak tree fell. Its been 8 weeks and still cant come to terms the fact this happened to him..to us. Im starting bereavment counselling this mth..and thats and coming on here is a really big step for me. We did everything together and now im suddenly doing everything alone..I dont know how im going to. I dont sleep to well or do life anymore  as it feels like life has stopped and im scared to restart it without him and really dont want to..nothing is the same
« Last Edit: April 06, 2019, 12:26:09 AM by Parkoswifey »

Offline Sandra61

  • Administrator
  • VIP Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 579
  • Karma: +62/-0
Re: Am new here.
« Reply #1 on: April 06, 2019, 10:53:41 AM »
Hello and welcome to this site.

I am so sorry to hear of this terrible accident that happened to your partner. You must be in so much shock. I hope you find some comfort here and am sure you will. Sadly we are all here because we have been through a loss.

Our stories may all be different, but the feelings we experience are all very similar.

Nothing is ever the same after you lose anyone, let alone someone so close to you, Miz. The way you describe feeling is very normal. Loss always leaves you scared and so sad you don't feel like carrying on in any normal way and not knowing how to. That's why you will see the advice in so many posts here to just take it one day or one hour even, at a time.

Loss is always a huge shock to the system and will take a very long time to recover from. It reaches into every corner of your life and changes everything forever, but in time, you do start moving forward again. Just take very tiny steps and every step is a step forward, however fearfully and unsteadily taken, and slowly your strength and confidence grows. It is a step forward to have started talking to us here and to be going to see a counsellor.

I found I needed strategies to help support myself after my most recent loss. I put flowers in the room and smelling their scent and seeing their beauty helped me be aware that there are still good things in life and I found them cheering and comforting. I also found going out to be very important. I would take a walk in the park and sit on a bench, where I could gather my thoughts and examine my feelings in a calm and comforting environment.  I found it helped just to get out of the house for a while, otherwise you tend to not bother getting washed and dressed and just sit dwelling on and reliving the memory of that last day or last worst period of time. Getting out makes that a bit better.

I didn't really have many friends and little family and often those closest to you just don't know what to say or how to help you, so they appear to drift away and leave you alone, even if that isn't their intention, so a few months after I lost my mum, I joined a class and found that really helped. I took up an interest I had shared with my mum and made a couple of really supportive new friends there. Also it helped by getting me out of the house for a few hours a week and making me think about something else and reconnect with life again. You may not feel like doing anything like this yet, but a little further down the road, it may help you.

For now, just try to make sure you eat and drink and do whatever helps. Putting together an album of some of my favourite photos of my mum was helpful to me. Some people also put together a box of momentos and start a book of memories to help them relive happier times. Some put these memories on scraps of paper in a jar, so that they can pull one out at random and find that helps.

Perhaps later, you could donate a new tree in memory of your husband to your local park as a lasting memorial and perhaps a bench also as a place for you to go to remember him and to pay tribute to that memory. Perhaps he might like that. Only you will know.

For now, just do whatever helps and keep talking to us here too and I hope that helps.

Sending you strength and a welcome hug..xx :hug: :hearts: