Author Topic: Unexpected Death  (Read 1564 times)

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Offline Michaela

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Unexpected Death
« on: March 04, 2018, 08:30:59 PM »
Hi,

I am after a bit of advice really. Whilst I know that grief is a very personal process and everyone deals with it in their own way, I am a bit concerned that my family aren't dealing with it.

My niece passed away very unexpectedly 2 weeks ago aged 16. She was completely fit and healthy. She passed away in her sleep at home.

We are all going about our lives as if nothing happened, is this normal? Is this happening because we don't know why she died? Is it because they haven't released her body to us?

I hoped someone who has lost a loved one unexpectedly may be able to shed some light on whether this is normal.

Thanks,
Michaela

Offline Karena

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Re: Unexpected Death
« Reply #1 on: March 05, 2018, 04:02:37 PM »
It is  hard to say what is normal -but i think in this case  it isnt unusual   -because there is such a huge shock involved and trying to process this often creates a state of disbelief, our brains way of potecting us for a while -carrying on as usual helps us to continue this state of disbelief stops us thinking about it at least at surface level. its what people also call displacement activity -focussing on something else even giving that activity more importance than it actually has in order to not be thinking about what has happened -funeral planning an be a displacement activity but your familly cant do that just yet so they are doing it in other ways.
Even after the funeral and for some time to come there is often a part of us that expects them to phone or walk back throught the door  we know it isnt going to happen but still lie too ourselves.After losing my husband i had to move and found myself hanging his dressing gown up on the door of the new bedroom -having spun myself a little story of him working away for an unknown period of time -even while knowing full well it wasnt the case -i guess i just needed to do that to function enough to actually do the house move.
You will find different people do react differently and i think maybe when there are answers and after a funeral then although the appearance of normality may continue or not, the much longer process of grieving and all the other emotions that creates, guilt, anger, depression, anxiety will also play a much bigger role than what you are seeing now.

Offline Emz2014

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Re: Unexpected Death
« Reply #2 on: March 05, 2018, 06:08:23 PM »
I agree with everything karena has said.  Also in bereavement people can get very good at 'wearing a mask' in public - I know I did.  Sometimes they need to to feel like they're holding it all together, but it doesnt take away the feelings underneath.  :hug: xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx