Author Topic: A Sudden Death  (Read 1736 times)

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Offline derek

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A Sudden Death
« on: March 05, 2018, 12:38:03 PM »
Hi,

I have read a number of people who have suffered the horrendous shock of a sudden death. My partner, Victoria also passed suddenly on Sunday 28th January this tear.  We woke at 7am to go to the toilet, I spoke to her as she came to bed and she said she was shattered as she had a bad night (she was suffering with various ailments and had just been referred to the hospital finally). I woke at 9.30 to find she had died. Of course, like others here I called 999 and tried CPR and they took her to hospital but she never recovered.

I know the same sense of stunned disbelief. I feel as if I have had two lives. One where Vic and I cooked, worked, looked after the cat, laughed loved, and then, in a few hours I had no life, no laughter and no point in living. It was as if an axe fell and severed my connection with life.
I couldn't think and watched TV Box sets to stop thinking.

We always said I love you at night and several times a day but it doesn't help with the sense of loss and its not without regret. We were only together a short time and I am married so it took time to get my ex to agree to a divorce. She did just before Christmas and, as Vic was never married it was all she wanted to do and we had started to discuss it. Now that will never happen.

Now the phone rings less and not so many callers I am feeling to first touches of the loneliness. I am returning to work and it helps that my work is being really supportive as I am only working part time at the moment.

I have good days and bad and the horrible time of sorting out the clothes and belonging is happening...but slowly.

Thank you for this forum and those souls who, like me are in pain and feel as if they can't go on.

I can't offer any advice as I am still looking for help and support myself but breath. Time is your friend and there is not right and wrong way to do this. We have no prior experience, no manual, no guidelines. I slept on a sofa for two weeks as I could not face the bed but that passed.
I know she didn't suffer as her eyes were closed and she looked as if she was asleep so that is one thing I hold onto when all else seem dark.

I love her now and always will and I will try to make her proud for the rest of my life. 

I hope we all eventually get the sense of peace we are all looking for.

Offline Emz2014

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Re: A Sudden Death
« Reply #1 on: March 05, 2018, 06:12:20 PM »
Sending you a welcome hug  :hug:  its so shocking to lose someone so suddenly. It's a rollercoaster journey, but here you are not alone xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline Twinkle

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Re: A Sudden Death
« Reply #2 on: March 08, 2018, 06:37:34 PM »
I understand the trauma and upset of a sudden death, I fought so hard to save my Mum in August last year, but I couldn't, the shock alone is horrendous I know, and I finally got treated for p t s d, think about that for yourself! I am still struggling and it's no good pretending it gets easier straight away, don't feel bad about the regrets, you will always find a reason to have them, I beat myself up constantly that I didn't do enough, did she know I lived her...

I have some advice 're your wife's clothes, my brother made me clear out my Mums stuff less than 12 hours after she had died, so do it only when you are ready, listen to nobody except your instincts,  grief has no set formula and finally 6 months later I am learning  that the only thing you can do is follow your mind and heart and block what others may say.

I am truly sorry for your loss, I am sorry I am not much help but we are all here for you :hearts:

Offline Karena

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Re: A Sudden Death
« Reply #3 on: March 09, 2018, 10:27:32 AM »
HI Dereck  sending you a warm welcome  :hug: I know that feeling that everything has gone and life is pointless -it isnt, but working that out takes a long time and there will probably be a few false starts on the way -When my husband died it seemed as though all our plans even discussions about things we wanted to do places we wanted to go had gone too -but i did set about doing those things anyway partly as a tribute too him and partly because i felt i should try and live life for both of us.
Tthere is a place we planned to move too -retirement for him seasonal work for me and life in a caravan -but somewhere we loved enough to do it. That will never happen now and i avoided going back for a year but then thought why -life is bleak enough -why deprive myself even more by giving up the other things i love  -so now i go back every year -and somehow it is the place i feel closest too him even now. 
Its a rollercoaster journey and sometimes you feel like you are rolling backwards but the acute pain turns into more a chronic sadness over time and somehow we manage to live with that but it is not so all consuming.