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Please Post In This Bereavement Support Posting Room / Re: New to all this
« Last post by Kirsty on June 22, 2018, 11:22:33 PM »
I could not have put that better myself everything you have said is so true I too was the same with people I thought people would want to be left alone so again I donít blame them I know if I got in touch and told them I was struggling they would be there for me but I donít like to bother them with my problems. I feel when people are telling me you will move on itís just because they donít really know what to say so think that might help me I have learned to just smile and say nothing back to them as I donít really have words to say. Itís nice to have somewhere to come online and read other peopleís stories of similar situations itís just such a shame itís under sad circumstances.
I recently read a book called itís ok your not ok and I am now using that as my daily motivation I can have my moments and itís ok to be like that this book also told me to help me through this that art is very good in the form of writing, drawing, colouring anything that involves using your creativity after reading this I decided to go back to work at a hairdresser and I found that has help massively it feels like it is the only time I feel Ď normal Ď although I donít ever stop thinking about what has happened
Glad you liked Rambo Emz lol  Just been out Bat spotting but its shocking tonight with Midges attacking ya.......over last few nights I have been watching the Barn Owls hunting around 15ft from my armchair 8-) they then fly down to the woodland and then back up here again much more entertaining than TV. I find its the nights when ya realise how quiet the house is so i stick some rock music on lol Rory's favourite is Gary Moore for some reason he sits staring at the stereo when he's on and when it finishes he lays down again  strange little fella?
Please Post In This Bereavement Support Posting Room / Re: New to all this
« Last post by Lost675 on June 22, 2018, 10:24:43 PM »
Hi Kirsty
I'm the same, the phone hardly rings, everything for everyone else is back to normal whereas I'm still living in a nightmare. I think before my husband died I hadn't a clue what grief was so I was like 'them' so I kind of understand and forgive them in their ignorance.  I feel people don't ready want to hear about my feelings so here is a good place to air them and be truly understood. I'm also told I'll move on' eventually which I know is code for 'you'll find someone else'. It's very insensitive but I think people want us to find another so we're then sociably acceptable again and they don't have to deal with us and our grief. 5 months since my husband died and I'm starting to find a different normal, I don't accept it, I don't want it, but it's happening anyway. Just like grief itself. All we can do is take each day at a time and live in hope that long term, like others here reassure us, we'll find a way to deal with our loss without falling apart
Please Post In This Bereavement Support Posting Room / Re: New to all this
« Last post by Kirsty on June 22, 2018, 12:44:28 PM »
People keep telling me that I am young so I will meet someone else one day, it scares me the thought of leaving him behind although I know I will never forget him but it also scares me to lose someone again after getting over this feeling, I canít possible imagine how you must feeling having to go through this twice.
I have never thought about living my life not only for myself but for my partner aswell that is a lovely way to put things as on a daily basis I think I could happily lock myself away and not carry on with my life but then I think he always wanted us to live our life to the fullest so I carry on for that reason I will know remember that I am also doing it to carry on living his life thank you for saying that to me.
I am struggling at the moment with everyone going back to their normal lives and carrying on like nothing has changed I canít blame them for doing that I would love to have everything normal again itís just hard that everyone has been there so much for me and now no one gets in touch as much they donít want to hear how am feeling when actually Now I am feeling a lot worse than I was at the start when I just felt numb
 :hug:Jcass that is exactly right -it is our grief and we have to find a way we can cope, not a way others think we should.xx

Please Post In This Bereavement Support Posting Room / Re: New to all this
« Last post by Karena on June 22, 2018, 11:48:54 AM »
Hi Kirsty.
I dont think anything can prepare us for this - i lost my partner at 30 and it completely knocked me - even though he had cancer and we knew what was going to happen.Years later i found love again and re-married - this time he was older, this time you would think i would be more prepared -and i would know how to get through grief again -i wasnt and i didnt because even though some emotions are something we all experience in common it still takes a different path on different occasions.

people say we get over it - we dont,  but we do get through it -  That doesnt mean leaving him behind - it means getting into a place we can cope without their physical presence but keep them with us in other, non tangible ways. Carry on for them,live life our life as if for them too and as a trubute too them - how to do that is something individual too us all and very difficult to see for a very long time - meanwhile getting through each hour and each day and being kind too yourself when you think you cant, when you think you are going mad and when you think others have run out of patience and ae less kind to you, so you must be grieving "wrongly"  just doing that is an achievement. :hug:
Please Post In This Bereavement Support Posting Room / Re: New to all this
« Last post by Kirsty on June 22, 2018, 07:44:12 AM »
Thank you. As awful as it sounds it has been nice to read through meaaagwa and hear peopleís atoeiws that are very similar and to know other people are going through the same thing as most of the time I do feel very alone.
People tell me it will get easier and I will learn to live with it but I donít really want to accept that because I donít want to learn to live with it.
He always tried to prepare me for the worst possible thing happening and I always switched off from it I know wish I had listened to him and maybe would have been slightly prepared for dealing with this
Please Post In This Bereavement Support Posting Room / Re: New to all this
« Last post by jcass on June 22, 2018, 01:06:15 AM »
Hi Kirsty
Almost 6 months for me and Im still trying to accept that I wont see him again. Nothing I say will make it better but I have found that reading posts on here and knowing that your not alone with what your feeling has helped me.
J x
Thank you Karena,
Talking to my husband helps me get through the day, I say bye bye when I go out of the house and I shout Im back when I come home, Ive decided to do what helps me and not what others think I should.
You are correct in saying we must find a new balance.
thank you again for your words of help.
J x
Please Post In This Bereavement Support Posting Room / New to all this
« Last post by Kirsty on June 19, 2018, 04:34:45 PM »
Hi I am new to all this and not really sure what to say. I lost my partner in March this year he was only 28 years old we had our whole lives ahead of us and now I feel completely lost and in my own I have loads of support from friends or family but the only person I want help off is my partner and I canít have that. I canít get my head around that am never going to see him again
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