Author Topic: Hi, nearly 3 weeks.  (Read 1661 times)

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Offline Perle Orestes

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Hi, nearly 3 weeks.
« on: October 29, 2017, 01:59:01 PM »
Hi all,

I lost my Mum nearly 3 weeks ago. She'd been in hospital for about six weeks prior to her death. We'd been told she had an inoperable tumour about a week before she passed away but that they didn't expect her death to be imminent. So we started to look for nursing homes and planning for her discharge when later that week the hospital called us in because she'd developed sepsis. She didn't respond to antibiotics, and so it was decided that she should receive palliative care and she passed four days later.
I really didn't expect it to affect me like it has, My father passed away 11 years ago and although I can remember feeling very sad for a long time after I coped much better on a day to day level.
I'm not back at work yet, not sure if I can cope with going back this week (I'm a nurse so need to be able to concentrate on what I'm doing) and even just doing something as simple as taking my son to football has left me feeling exhausted. My sisters ( who were closer to my Mum than I was) seem to be coping much better.
I feel like I should be getting on with things now, but I'm so tired all the time and only feel ok when I'm at home, at my mum's house, or with my family. I don't know what to do.

Offline Emz2014

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Re: Hi, nearly 3 weeks.
« Reply #1 on: October 29, 2017, 10:29:00 PM »
3 weeks isnt long atall - such a confusing, shocking time on the grief journey. Sending a big hug  :hug: 
Are you managing to sleep and rest, or are you finding yourself going over and over worries?  If you're struggling with worries it may be a sign you need to extend your time off for another week and see how you feel then - would that ease part of the worries whilst you work on other worries?  Sometimes the worry/fear is more about seeing work people and going back amongst them but the fear of it is usually worse than the reality and the routine helps. If you think its the worry of seeing people is there anyone you can meet with before you go back? Or a phased return to help ease you back in xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline Sharneyfergykeps1986

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Re: Hi, nearly 3 weeks.
« Reply #2 on: November 01, 2017, 02:03:14 PM »
Hi Perle. I am definitely not an expert in this at all but I thought maybe sharing how I feel would make you understand that what you are feeling is quite similar to me too so we are not alone.

My partner passed away 9 weeks ago and I haven't been able to go back to work yet either and I don't think I will be able to for a good while yet. I had to pop into work to give something in yesterday and I just felt so anxious and couldn't get out if there quick enough. I didn't even speak to anyone. If you don't feel ready to go back do see if you can extend your time off until you think you will cope with it better.

Also similarly to you I only feel comfortable at home or in the homes of my family. I know people cope with things differently. I am dealing with this is a very different way to my in laws so please don't think that you should just be getting on with things now just because your sister are. You've done well to have taken your son to football even if you did feel tired. Try not to give yourself a hard time.

Like I said I'm no expert  here and i only joined this week but I have already got some great advice and support from people here so if you feel comforrable please post about how you feel as I'm sure there will be someone who can relate and understand xx