Author Topic: Nightmare Supporting Bereaved Teenager  (Read 2244 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline fionamw

  • New Members
  • *
  • Posts: 3
  • Karma: +0/-0
Nightmare Supporting Bereaved Teenager
« on: May 09, 2017, 10:41:12 PM »
As I'm new to the forum I'm not sure if I need to give the whole saga all over again but I'll assume so.
My partner of 16 years died in February after about three months' ill health but only 6 days after a diagnosis of terminal pancreatic cancer.
Our son, 15 the following weekend, was initially very sad then fairly accepting then cried at the funeral then has been totally cut off inside himself. We've had to move house, country, leaving his friends behind, his girlfriend, childhood home, school, etc., and start afresh in the UK.
Worse still it came out a few weeks after he died that my son had been asked to keep secret a photo he'd found which was of his dad and a woman friend. Other gut feelings plus a kiss he'd seen them share (may or may not have been cheek/lips) supports the likelihood that they were having a relationship. Before he died he'd asked me to marry him ... rapidly of course.. but that never happened. 
Now, nearly 12 weeks later, our son has been up and down in his moods horrifically, gradually dropping out from school more and more days.  However it's not as cast iron as that, because sometimes he understands totally the advice I'm giving him .. such as today, when he admitted he was too tired for school because he's not sleeping well and after about half a day of sleep/conversations, he accepted he would give up his phone on school nights and we'd google sleep-aid apps.  But about an hour and a half later he was as arsey as heck and giving me lip and didn't care if the courts came out he wouldn't be going to school. He's been playing online games for hours. 
I can just about cope with everything day to day (even the Will nightmare - he'd made a new will but not signed it, and the other woman is an executor and potential trustee for our son and I don't know how I'll survive with the lack of money I'm going to get.......)    but the up and down is a nightmare rollercoaster.
Now I have to say obviously in theory I understand, but living with it is ghastly and there seems to be a lack of help ... well there's plenty of help IF the teenager is prepared to go out and get it.   As for me? I'm too hurt and angry to be able to be sad.

Offline Nicky

  • New Members
  • *
  • Posts: 4
  • Karma: +1/-0
Re: Nightmare Supporting Bereaved Teenager
« Reply #1 on: May 12, 2017, 08:00:18 AM »
Hi

It sounds like he's really angry and of course it's understandable. At 15 he may struggle to express the anger and indeed many emotions. Is there anyone else he can confide in? Also if he has a favourite online game you can talk to him about the characters and which he represents how he is feeling. Journals can be good to express emotion and telling him it's ok to be angry.
It's a really difficult time for you all. What are you doing to look after you? It's really important to give yourself time and space to grieve. Please be kind to yourself.

Offline Emz2014

  • Administrator
  • VIP Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1904
  • Karma: +130/-0
Re: Nightmare Supporting Bereaved Teenager
« Reply #2 on: May 12, 2017, 10:31:29 PM »
You can add posts to your earlier thread if you'd rather not explain again, and want to keep all replies in one place.  If you need any help with posts just say and any of the admin can help  :hearts:

It can be ao difficult grieving and also trying to support someone who is grieving.At times you will both need some space, but also time available to talk too
Hopefully we can help you with your journey, which in turn may help you in helping him too xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline fionamw

  • New Members
  • *
  • Posts: 3
  • Karma: +0/-0
Re: Nightmare Supporting Bereaved Teenager
« Reply #3 on: May 12, 2017, 10:54:45 PM »
I think it's a brilliant thing that admin/mods can help either splice threads or whatever. Yes, (or NO!!) I don't know what's the best way forward in terms of people reading my posts and/or being able to, or feeling they would like to, contribute. I'm happy to leave it to you to decide how to proceed. 
For sure tonight I'd got it planned to speak to him about maybe having a 'Dad meal' when he'd finished going through the various 'photo drawers' and selected his Memory Box contents.  But the alter ego unpleasant one was already p#d off that I'd been upset he hadn't tidied his bedroom either in the 6 hours I was at work (and he should have been at school) or during the 30 minutes when I walked the dogs he could have walked during those 6hours..................