Author Topic: On my Own  (Read 2007 times)

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Offline Cathy Tazzyman

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On my Own
« on: August 24, 2017, 08:30:25 PM »
I a twin, I have a wonderful sister and a wonderful husband, fantastic kids and a inspirational Mum. I am surrounded by lovely people in my village, I teach swimming, train lifeguards, and I am a Cub leader, all these things that I do I did love beyond words.

When my dad died on the 30th of January this year, my whole world just froze.
Every thing stopped, and I took control...I went through the motions and held everything back, so my family and my mum did not have to worry about me. I helped to organise the funeral, Dad had put a lot of it place and I organised the order of service. My twin sisters Father in law died the day before my own Dad died, we held David's funeral the day before my Dad's and we were all surrounded in grief. We are a united family....yet I feel alone.

I feel like I am looking in on my own life, I find it hard to enjoy a moment, laugh out loud, love freely, yet I wear my heart on my sleeve. I am angry in a moment, cry at an emotion, feel sorrowful in within a day.

I am struggling at work, I have been in my job 13 yrs and I have loved it, now I hate it. I want to be elsewhere but there. The people that I work with I get on with, but when Dad died and I returned to work no one spoke about my Dad dying, no card was given, no cup of tea was offered. I even had to ask how much time I was allowed to have off. I ended up going off sick. It was like they did not want to know. I have been offered another job, but should I take it or am I just taking flight because I feel so blue.
I miss my Dad so much, we spoke about everything, I cared for him for many years with my mum and my sister and his loss I feel every day.

I'm lonely yet I am surrounded by people. When will I laugh freely...and enjoy life again.

Offline Emz2014

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Re: On my Own
« Reply #1 on: August 24, 2017, 09:13:51 PM »
Sending a welcome hug  :hug:
The grief journey is lonely and takes time but it will get easier.  It takes time.  I totally reevaluated my work after losing my dad - it lost alot of its meaning but I am finding my way forward again.  You're amongst people who understand - it helps to talk.  Hold on in there xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline Karena

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Re: On my Own
« Reply #2 on: August 24, 2017, 10:13:31 PM »
 :hug:it is weird when you're surrounded by people who are also grieving but feel alone,I think its because we grieve differently,the relationship we had with the person who has died was different even your twins.no grief is less or greater just different.When it comes to work ,a lot depends on the bosses,as legally there doesn't seem to be any hard and fast rules over compassionate leave,I was lucky with my boss but a friend was told 3 days and one of those  was supposed to be for the funeral and that was for his wife.Colleagues I think often just don't know what to say or how to react.I think you have to consider,whether you hated the job before,whether its the lack of compassion you have experienced or whether its because you are considering the way something like this brings home how much work impinges on our lives,when it comes above family,something like this I think does bring home how tenuous life can be and re prioratise everything.Also is the job you have been offered a desirable alternative or just a reaction too what has happened with this one.In other words could you be jumping out of the frying pan into the fire,and if so would it be worth staying put and looking at a positive move,is there something you really want to and could this job be a means to making a move towards that.Could it pay for training or education that would help you move towards that,or could the new job do that.So try and look longer term rather than move because of a negative reason,of hating this job,try and find any positives of either staying put for now or taking the offer.