Author Topic: New member  (Read 2429 times)

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Offline Claire L

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New member
« on: September 05, 2017, 12:45:02 PM »
My beloved husband died very suddenly 6 weeks ago. I have 2 teenagers both of whom witnessed his death with me, he had a heart attack, he was only 51 and fit and healthy. I am really struggling to come to terms with losing him and our future together.

Offline Mandic

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Re: New member
« Reply #1 on: September 05, 2017, 06:22:14 PM »
Oh Claire, I am so sorry. I lost my husband suddenly 10 weeks ago. We will just have to get through this one day at a time, accept love and support from others, and know that in time it will be easier to manage.
Know that they didn't want to leave us, it was just their time, and we can still be assured of their love, that will always endure..and we will find a way to look back with laughter and fond memories - to move forward and make them proud. Xx

Offline Karena

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Re: New member
« Reply #2 on: September 05, 2017, 08:00:51 PM »
 :hug:sending you a warm welcome.that must have been such a dreadful shock for all of you.Losing your life partner takes away your future and it is so very difficult to see any kind of new one.As already said you really can only focus on getting through the next hour then the next day.Are the kids still at school,maybe if they need it,the school might have a counselling service.

Offline Emz2014

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Re: New member
« Reply #3 on: September 05, 2017, 10:16:00 PM »
Sending a welcome hug xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline Claire L

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Re: New member
« Reply #4 on: September 15, 2017, 12:40:25 PM »
Thankyou for your kind responses. It is comforting to know that there are people who understand how I am feeling. People ask me how I am all the time, I just want to scream at them, I am having to live a life that I never thought I would have to and certainly don't want, I am devastated, but they don't want to hear that, so I say "I'm doing ok" because it seems to make them feel better.  People also say to me " you have your memories" again I have to restrain myself because I want to scream, I don't want memories of my Chris, I want him back.

Offline Karena

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Re: New member
« Reply #5 on: September 15, 2017, 03:02:23 PM »
 :hug:people generally mean well when they say things like that -they just dont get it, - but also something like you will have your memories are  the kind of thing often said that could have been said in a better way.- if only they could extend that too you will one day be able to focus on happy memorys but of course it will never make up for them not being here - which is i think what they actually mean,but just dont finish the sentiment.

But they are trying clumsy as it is -better than the people who suddenly find a reason to dash off across the road when they see you coming towards them.
 
But also we can over react to things ,and i,m not suggesting you are in ths case, -but to give you an example in a charity shop i overheard two ladies -"where,s ron today" ive sent him to x shop cant stand him hanging around sighing when i,m shopping" " i know ive left mine at home he,s a fliipin nuisance"

-me -I left the shop in tears but also angry  (Thank goodness i did leave without saying something) but my thoughts were how dare they - dont they realise how lucky they are, or how i would love to have mine sighing while i shop or getting under my feet. But with retrospect i can see how i might have said something similar to them when he was alive, and they had no way of knowing anything about me -so my tears were normal -as it drove even deeper the knife of being alone and missing him so much - but anger in my case was unjustified.

Offline longedge

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Re: New member
« Reply #6 on: September 15, 2017, 07:05:25 PM »
As far as the things people say is concerned, I couldn't agree more with what you say Karena - the thing that sometimes troubles me is the knowledge that in the past I've not had the right words myself when speaking to others and I might have unknowingly caused hurt. It's a minefield for friends and relatives and the most important thing I think is to never let it spoil a friendship.
I'll never get over losing her and I used to think that eventually
I would learn to live with it - that's not happened yet.

        ~ I'm George by the way ~

Offline TinaT

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Re: New member
« Reply #7 on: September 15, 2017, 09:17:42 PM »
Sending gentle hugs from one also suddenly bereaved x

Offline quietstorm

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Re: New member
« Reply #8 on: September 16, 2017, 01:47:36 PM »
Hello Claire I'm sorry for your terrible loss too. My husband died suddenly in March this year so I understand how devastating it is. People who have not been through it don't have a clue and some of the remarks I've had said to me are unbelievable  :angry:
Sending you a gentle :hug:

Offline Greyhoundk

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Re: New member
« Reply #9 on: October 10, 2017, 08:47:35 AM »
Hi Clare are you still on the forum ?

I could have written your post, my husband died in the same circumstances just over a week ago now, I also have two teenagers.

I hope you are feeling better 2 years on x