Author Topic: Just starting  (Read 1968 times)

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Offline Bryanthegirl

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Just starting
« on: January 24, 2018, 06:25:45 PM »
Hi, I've been trying to write something for a while and keep giving up. So I thought I'd just introduce myself as suggested.
I'm here because last week my wonderful, beautiful and lovely friend committed suicide.  She has been struggling with mental health issues for several years, but I'd always assumed that things would work out okay in the end.
I'm heartbroken. I feel guilt, sadness, sometimes anger (but I can't place what I'm angry with). 
I feel unmoored - like I'm floating distant from everything and everyone.
Mostly I'm just so very, very sad. I miss her so much.
That's me.

Offline Emz2014

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Re: Just starting
« Reply #1 on: January 24, 2018, 07:14:30 PM »
Sending a welcome hug  :hug:  anger can be a normal part of grief, and you will have the added emotions of processing the way you lost your friend. Take one day at a time xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline Karena

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Re: Just starting
« Reply #2 on: January 24, 2018, 09:23:16 PM »
Anger is very normal often at the system that can't help when mental health is concerned Anger at yourself that you weren't enough to keep them here.Anger at the for making the decision to leave.I also had a friend who killed himself after several failed attempts.We had suicide watch  but he just got more clever about it.He bought rail tickets and set a false trail which we all followed then while we were all running round the country looking for him he went into a woodland behind the house  and overdosed.Being computer buff he even sent a timed email too the police saying where his body would be because he didn't want anyone else to find him accidently and cause distress too a stranger but didn't want them to find him too soon.Some of his friends were angry with him others of us felt guilty that despite all our attempts to prevent this we failed All of us felt sad and bereft of his prescence because he was such a lovely man not just a friend but  worked with him too.He had left instructions and money for his funeral and even that , his last act ,was based on his anti war stance no sad hymns but rebel songs.Now looking back I still feel sad but have accepted that my guilt is not going to change anything and that he would have done this anyway. He was such a gentle soul he just couldn't cope with the world so I am grateful that  i knew him and know that for him this wasn't a selfish act  he cared deeply for others including his friends he left behind. I still mentally refer too him when faced with a dilemma.I still look up too him.
It takes a long time for all those mixed feelings to lessen ad it's a rocky journey .The sadness never really goes but it becomes more gentle.

Offline Bryanthegirl

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Re: Just starting
« Reply #3 on: February 11, 2018, 09:00:36 AM »
Thanks for your messages and support. I’m learning how to live with the grief now and have less anger, mostly guilt and unbearable sadness.
It’s been very good to have this forum to reach out to. Some friends have said “are you okay now?” And it’s made me feel that there is a time limit of patience for grief. On here there’s no limit. And you really understand how I feel.
Thank you x

Offline Emz2014

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Re: Just starting
« Reply #4 on: February 11, 2018, 02:51:42 PM »
Unfortunately when people haven't lost someone they don't quite understand.  Glad the forum is helping  :hug: xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline Karena

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Re: Just starting
« Reply #5 on: February 11, 2018, 05:07:36 PM »
I agree people do seem to have a time limit for grief when in truth there isn't one we learn to live with it but I don't think it ever truly leaves us.