Today is a rel bd d

[Eliz]

Today I feeli am having a real bad day. snappy and thoughrley unhappy.i just can’t help myself I wish I were in the middle of nowhere and I could just let go and scream and scream does anyone feel like that? Or is it me slowly going mad I don’t seem to be able to move forward I have lost my soulmate of 65 years of marriage  and just can’t see any life here without him we had a good life and five beautiful children we held each other through the loss off our son  he wa 42 years old when he died suddenly we held each other up in 2015 on the loss of our son in law he died of cancer at 59 years old and now Derek died 11 months ago and I feel I can’t go on without him he was my rock my strength I am helpless without him now I just ask my self why oh why am I here my daughter is grieving the loss of her husband I should be helping her get through this but here I am just a wobbly useless mess wishing I could just go to sleep and not wake up  again sorry I just had to get this off my chest

[Karena]

No apologies needed.getting it off your chest is why we are here.You can't put your own grief aside to help someone else but I think you have naturally being trying.After 11 months people who haven't been through this think you should be moving forward and their support diminishes  then the anniversary is coming up and probably on your mind too.Its a roller coaster journey and all we can really do is hang on through the lows and make the most of the better or even just moments  when they do arise.Itis so very difficult when you no longer have each other to lean on.Its coming up too 7 years for me and even now as that anniversary approaches I can feel myself slipping but in time those dips get less steep and if not really happiness then periods of  peace lie between them.
People here over the years have described going out in their cars into the middle of no where and letting rip with the screams.I used to go too a bottle bank and smash glass.Now there is a hill behind my house and anger goes into stoping up it until I am too out of breath too be angry anymore.It is possible to find an outlet but writing also helped so you are welcome too come back and rant here whenever you need.

[Emz2014]

Sending a big hug    its extra hard when trying to support others through grief.  Hold on in there  xx