Five years i remember being startled that five years had passed,  two years later  I  also find the greatest peace in my garden or surounded by nature away from people  - and have in many ways got used to the changes but not altogether lost the fear of making my own decisions entirely alone,or being somewhere entirely alone, but learned to do it despite the fear  -I also find that the hole isnt filled - maybe just covered over then something or some-one pulls the cover back off and i have to stop myself falling back into it . Happiness - well if you mean that ecstatic kind that you get when you fall in love  - then no -but perhaps content is enough -   i have learned to settle for peace  and i have learned to be alone more than lonely, although sometimes i still am lonely - i laugh but sometimes i wonder if i looked into a mirror right now do my eyes  reflect that laugh because  it feels quite empty. Dating i cant imagine - but then i have never "dated" in the traditional sense -  i suspect i never will.
Is seven years on better than five was - yes i think it is,  i have certainly become stronger, but perhaps also because i am no longer startled that i still miss him.

Hi Laura it isnt suprising your head is mashed - i think all of us here can relate to that. The loss of my mum isnt why i found this site but i was a little older than you when my mum died -she died of cancer and it wasnt a sudden death like yours but nothing can really prepare us for it.Its like someone took the foundations out from under us and we,re left holding on to a slippery scaffolding pole and a big drop under us. It sounds like you do have support with your husband and familly and this site can become another support - perhaps you have already identified a good reason to join and a reason it helps - in saying you cant ask your dad right now.Because sometimes when we are supporting others we find it difficult to cope with our own grief and express those feelings if we are afraid it will make it more difficult for them -  so it is easier to talk about that to people not directly involved, yet who are sharing the same experiences with their own loss.

  It isnt so much about who we lost whether we are widow or widower parent or child - but how grief affects us personally and for some that might be to get out of the house as much as possible, to seek increased social interaction and try and displace grief with frenzied activity, for others it will be to retire to our lair.Neither is wrong, there isnt a wrong or right way to grieve we have to do what is right for us.

to answer your first question though, yes it is something that makes me cringe too and it is something said often - but it is asked with different motives and thats whats really important not the words themslves  - journalists generally ask because they want a story - but sometimes because they want your story to create empathy among their readers which in some cases might lead to bringing some-one to justice or some further outcome (not all of them have purley selfish motives)

Outside that sphere of people, some will ask and hope you are not actually going to tell them, (but its better than those who cross the street or dive into a shop so they can pretend they havnt seen you)  - but others, and i think the majority of others,ask because they genuinley want to help and saying how do you feel means they are offering to provide an outlet for our feelings.
 Grief  isnt visible in the way a physical injury is but even with crutches and plaster casts people will still say how are you - while what they really mean is how can i help you.Those who do genuinley want to help are often left not knowing how they can do so with grief -whereas with the physical injury it is more obvious if you drop the crutch they will pick it up without saying, can i pick it up for you, or without you asking them too - but with grief it is less clear cut  - and so as Phil said asking them to do something specific will help, -whether that is practical -search out paperwork. or social - i dont feel like going out yet but come round and have a cup of tea with me.

Its a nightmare journey and very early days for you.I remember fleeing a shop in tears on overhearing two women talking where one said she had left hubby at home because he was a nusisance when she was shopping - and the other agreed with her - I  just wanted to really let rip and yell at them  - we do become perhaps oversensative to things others say -  and i realised later they wernt actually saying designed  to hurt me and they wernt actually saying anything i might not have said myself in jest, when he was alive.

It’s five years this Thursday......FIVE YEARS....sometimes seems like yesterday, where has that time gone. I’d hoped to be in a different place,state of mind, have found some inner happiness, and of course to a certain extent l have. Have moved, a home and she wraps herself around me and a garden that soothes the soul. I should be happy shouldn’t l? So why am l not.

  The life l have has sooo much to be thankful for, and l am, but I’d trade it all in to have him back. I have made a new life, left the old one behind, including friends and family, new friends, new life, it’s the only way l can move on. But the hole which is still there, may be smaller, but still hurts like hell.
It’s easier to watch couples, envy tinged with a little sadness for them, they, at some stage have this to come. Who would want this.

   Tried the dating game, met many men, it isn’t going to do it for me, big boots to fill, so will love, pamper and spoil myself. Is it easier, some days a struggle, especially this month, but I’m very lucky, wish for nothing......so will wallow this week, cry as and when, go breath in my garden, look at my view, and try to be thankful.   Love to all, its a hard road. 💋💋 

Fantastic! :-)  thats really good to hear xx