Recent Posts

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Introduce Yourself To Us All / Re: My Brother 💔
« Last post by esther e on September 07, 2021, 05:06:06 AM »
Sandra61,
Thank you for your response. I know my brother would want me to go on with my life and find some joy, but I know that's not to be. Sometimes I don't feel like going on with my life without my brother in it and as for joy, there will be no joy without my brother here. There are so many triggers everyday, little reminders  that make it worse. I do some things in my brother's memory and also have a memorial tattoo. I have a collage of his pictures on a board in my livingroom. 
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Introduce Yourself To Us All / Re: Breaking Heart
« Last post by Sandra61 on September 06, 2021, 11:16:38 AM »
Hello, so sorry for your recent loss and for the pain you are feeling as a result of this. Loss can cause schisms in families and that is like a separate loss that you also grieve for. It does help to know what happened to the person you have lost, but it is not always possible to find out and if you were not there, you can never really know. In the end, it makes no difference though. Much as it seems to matter now, if you did know, would that really help very much? The loss would still be there. Better to focus on the good memories you have of your lost loved one and the good times you spent together. Dying is such a brief moment in a lifetime and the lifetime of great things they did and times they had are ultimately what mattered the most. That's what matters the most for all of us. Acceptance of the loss will help you and that only comes gradually. Try to remember that the person you have lost would want the best for you and that the memory of them is yours forever. Look for little things to take pleasure from each day, be it taking a walk in the park, seeing the sunshine or a looking at flowers or anything that still gives you pleasure. Grief is a long road that can't be rushed and you have to make an effort to find your way forward along that road, so do whatever helps you to do that. It does slowly get easier. Grief never leaves you entirely and it changes you, so you are  never really the same person you were before it happened again, but you learn to live with it and it affects you less badly over time, so give yourself time and look for the things that help you and you will find a way forward. Wishing you well.  :hug: :hearts:
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Introduce Yourself To Us All / Re: Devastated I lost two family members in 6 months
« Last post by Sandra61 on September 06, 2021, 11:04:36 AM »
Hello and welcome to this website. I am so sorry to hear of your recent losses. It is hard enough to lose your mum without losing your cousin so shortly before. I lost my mum in 2017 and it seems like yesterday still to me, but I have found a way forward and although I miss her and my dad every day, I am slowly building a new life for myself in my new normal. The first six months after losing my mum were horrendous and I despaired. I started making an effort to try to recover and move forward after that, but didn't really notice much difference until two years after I lost my mum. It is never over, because once you are a grieving person, some part of you will be a grieving person for the rest of your life, because grief and loss change you and change your world and you can never change either back. Eventually, you will accept that this is your new normal, but slowly you have to try to build a new life for yourself in this new normal for you and as you do, it does slowly get easier. The bad days become fewer and the good days get a little easier, but you have to make an effort to make that happen. There is no going back, but your memories are your treasure and will be your strength going forward and your mum and your cousin will be in your heart and you will carry them with you always, because that is what grief is; just another side of love. One day at a time, tiny steps forward and your way will become clearer. It was a help to me to imagine and remember that my mum would have wanted the best for me and would have wanted me to go on with my life and make it the best I could, so that is what I try to do for her and I take her forward with me in my heart. I hope this helps and wish you well.  :hug: :hearts:
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Introduce Yourself To Us All / Re: My Brother 💔
« Last post by Sandra61 on September 06, 2021, 10:52:13 AM »
Hello Esterelyse, so very sorry for the loss of your brother. It is very scary to find yourself alone and very saddening to have to live with the loss of your parents and sibling. All you can do it take it one day at a time and try to build a new life for yourself in your new normal. Gradually find things that help. At first that may be simple things like taking walks or making proper meals for yourself, but slowly try to focus on the future and things you could do that would help you and bring you some joy. It helped me to remember that those I have loved and lost would want me to be happy and to make the best of the rest of my life, so that is what I try to do, for them as much as for me. Every day is another chance to do this and you succeed better some days than others, but slowly you succeed almost as much as you fail and you just have to keep trying. You must have lovely memories of your brother for you to have found his loss so hard to cope with, so use those to bolster you up. Imagine what he would want for you and trying to create that world is something you can do in his memory and in his honour. Those memories are your treasure and your strength. Make an album of favourite photos if you haven't already got one and use them to remind you of the good times you spent together when you need to, but keep moving forward, one day at a time. It will get better.  :hug: :hearts:
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Resources / Re: The Nature of BUK
« Last post by esther e on August 31, 2021, 10:03:31 AM »
I just read your post"The Nature of BUK", yes it is a beautiful post.I think sometimes if my post is not positive and may be distressing, it's how I feel, it's how I'm feeling. And yes, grief has no time table, it's been 7 yrs and my grief is complicated.
Thank you for your post.
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Introduce Yourself To Us All / My Brother 💔
« Last post by esther e on August 31, 2021, 09:14:23 AM »
I've been up all night,it's US time now 3:42 am, thinking about my brother my only sibling . The loss is profound. I am devastated still. Though it's been 7 years, I am preoccupied by his death, I hate to even write that word,it's so final. My father's death was 11 years ago. I miss my father so very much. He was a good father. But the loss of a sibling and an only sibling is  a different kind of loss. I'm not undermining my father, because parents normally pre-decease their children. And so I thought me and my brother would be together, I'd never thought in a million years that my brother would not be here with me. I will be alone and it is frightening to say, to think, it's on my mind all the time. I miss my brother beyond words can say.
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Hello and welcome Quest78

Indeed loosing a mum the pain can seem unbearable at times and I'm so sorry for your loss.

Shock and disbelief are the body's way of dealing with a bereavement, and it's best to just take baby steps into not pushing yourself into doing things you think you should be doing.

Just give yourself time to heal taking one day at a time, and I promise you sincerely the pain will ease, and the floods of tears that have to fall will be less frequent.

Do take care Dave.
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Introduce Yourself To Us All / Devastated I lost two family members in 6 months
« Last post by Quest78 on August 29, 2021, 10:39:44 PM »
I lost my cousin aug 2020 and my mum march 2021

I am still in shock about losing my mum part of me still thinks it cant be true

I keep cycling to the houses she used to live like i'm looking for her and thinking id bump into her

The pain is horrible - Ive not experienced anything like it
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Introduce Yourself To Us All / Re: Breaking Heart
« Last post by esther e on August 29, 2021, 09:44:00 AM »
Dear mOuSeyP,
So So sorry for your loss. It's only been 2 months for you.
Certainly not a time to move on. It's been 7 yrs now that I've lost my brother, my only sibling and time has not changed anything nor is there closure. Closure meaning how. And may never be. I can truly understand what you mean by saying "did this really happen", I question myself all the time. Glad you found this group like I did, but for an a sad reason. (((Hugs to you friend)))
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Introduce Yourself To Us All / Breaking Heart
« Last post by m0uSeyP on August 26, 2021, 06:54:11 PM »
 :cry: it's been 2 months since i lost a family member and i'm heartbroken.
The family is split down the middle because of it.
I learned about it from a stranger, telling me the reason i wasn't able to contact them.
The pain is so raw, i have no information, and i have no closure.
I can't believe it's happened.
I just want to scream.
 :cry:
I want someone to tell me it hasn't really happened.
I can't move on :cry:
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