Author Topic: Hoping to start the healing process  (Read 1443 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Jody27

  • New Members
  • *
  • Posts: 3
  • Karma: +0/-0
Hoping to start the healing process
« on: February 03, 2018, 01:31:10 AM »
So after spending nearly 3 hours typing, deleting, retyping and delaying my first post, I accidently hit the back button on my laptop and lost everything. This just sums up how my life feels at the minute. Everything just seems wrong. I'm here because I like to write. I'm not a talker and I'm hoping that this is my 1st step to healing. I'm hoping to find strength and understanding from those who have lost and hoping that one day, when things seem clearer that i'll be able to pass this knowledge on to others.

I have lost 2 of the most loving, caring, nurturing, hard working, family orientated men anyone could have in their lives. I consider myself one very lucky girl when growing up as I was blessed with not just 1 amazing man in my life, I had 2 and I really am grateful for all they taught me. I lived with my grandparents until I was 9 and I have always thought myself privileged to have the love, care and support of what I have always thought of to be my 2 sets of parents. My Granda passed in October 2016 from pneumonia and my amazing Daddy passed 5 months later in March 2017, from stage 4 lung cancer.

My poor granda really hasn't had more than a fleeting thought from me due to me having to help care for my dad, he got his diagnosis a few days after my granda was taken into hospital and everything has been topsy, turvy from then. Thankfully we got my granda home after spending 3 weeks in hospital and he fell asleep, in his own house, surrounded by everything that was familiar to him just 4 days later, never to waken. I am hoping that I have accepted my granda's death rather than not having dealt with it at all. I say this as I have had no real sense of loss for him, i have had no real feelings of heartache for him. I miss him awfully and would like nothing more than to hear him give me words of wisdom for what I am feeling at the minute. I think it is easier to accept because of his age, he was 83, had lived his life, been married to my darling Granny for 60 years, raised 4.5 kids (he used to joke I was half his) and for the last 3 years of his life had no real quality due to COPD. I feel that this was his time.

My dad however.... I just don't know what I feel. I have never been through every emotion possible in one day!! He passed 1 week after his 60th birthday. I fully understand that he had cancer, I fully understand that by the time he was given his diagnosis his brain had so many lesions that there was absolutely nothing that could be done, I have never once questioned why him, he smoked, his parents and 2 brothers died from lung cancer, I think this is answer enough!! We did everything we could for him, we were there every step of the way with him, we made memories while we could, sang to him, joked with him, put his bets on the horses for him and when things got to much we nursed him, we cooled him, we warmed him, we made sure he had all his medication on time and then we held him as he slipped away. I told him to go, I told him it was ok and it was ok, because he had been through enough!!! We knew it was coming, expected it, accepted it!! I would not wish him back here with us to go through that again. I know I will never hear his voice again, I know I will never hug him again, joke with him, argue with him. I know all of this and I understand all of this. So why can I not get passed it!! Nearly 11 months on the pain hurts just the same as it did from the second he left us.

Thank you for giving me the opportunity to put my thoughts down. I really would love to hear any views or opinions, as I know it is a different process for everyone. I'm just hoping I can find mine soon.

Sending my love to you all.

Jody 

Offline Emz2014

  • Administrator
  • VIP Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1904
  • Karma: +130/-0
Re: Hoping to start the healing process
« Reply #1 on: February 03, 2018, 08:20:01 AM »
Sending a welcome hug  :hug:

You are right, everyone's journey is unique but we do have many similarities and it helps to be able to talk with others who understand. This forum is so valuable for that - everyone is supportive

I lost my dad suddenly to cancer just after his 59th birthday and it was devastating. Some people who havent lost people think everything is fine after the funeral and that couldnt be further than the truth - and because externally we often look ok people forget/dont know the inner turmoil

We dont get over losing our loved ones, we learn to cope with their loss.  It can be a slow journey, I certainly had different challenges in my 2nd year, but it does continue to get easier to cope.  Next week will be 5 years for me xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline Karena

  • Administrator
  • VIP Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2132
  • Karma: +145/-0
Re: Hoping to start the healing process
« Reply #2 on: February 03, 2018, 12:12:27 PM »
 :hug:I am also a writer more than a talker so when my husband died finding this site was such a big help.Keep writing it really makes a difference.On the forum home page one of the sections is diary area where you can start your own diary section.Wrie your feelings but what I also used to do was write him letters.How much I was missing him but also just stuff that I or kids grandkids etc had done where we went etc.Writing too him as he was my best friend and the person I really could talk too made it easier too express myself and I a sense keep him in my life in atangible way.

Offline tisla

  • New Members
  • *
  • Posts: 3
  • Karma: +0/-0
Re: Hoping to start the healing process
« Reply #3 on: February 03, 2018, 01:05:21 PM »
Sending much love and strength to you