Author Topic: When does it get easier  (Read 3422 times)

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Offline Twinkle

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When does it get easier
« on: June 03, 2018, 01:39:31 PM »
It's been 10 months since Mum had a heart attack and despite my attempts to save her she died, she was 89,  the grief process began,  I have had days and many beds ones, not a second has gone by I don't miss her, or my Dad who died 25 years earlier ( ironically Mum died on 21st August, Dad the 22nd ) anyway family all said to let it go  friends constantly been there, but last week or so have been going downhill again,  when I think of her like I always do but I end up sobbing daily, even to the point last night my husband said you need to start letting go, but I don't want too,  I miss her and it hurts now I doubt it's normal,  it would have been Dads 100 birthday this month, an anniversary Mum and I shared, obviously it's Fathers Day, and a 3 days ago my friend found her elderly Mother in Law, having died in the night, I have been helping and supporting her, but the memories are hard, even though I have come far enough to be grateful Mum wasn't alone,  I just feel my feelings are wrong now...

Offline Karena

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Re: When does it get easier
« Reply #1 on: June 03, 2018, 07:09:04 PM »
There is no such thing as feelings being wrong.You can't help how you feel.It is very much an up and down journey.Thats normal not wrong.Helping your friend is bound to have brought things up that are particularly hard for you.The fact you are doing so is something your mum would be proud of.Thats why we never let go of them because they are always with us in everything we do.You don't have to let go of them just the bad memory's of the end of their lives and one way to do that is to embrace their whole life.Follow what they taught us.Listen to the advice you know in your heart they would have given.Continue to live your life as though they are still by your side and remember the better times.Sometimes those memorys will make you smile laugh abd cry all at the  same tme but In time you will be able to do it and find you smile much more than cry. :hug:

Offline Twinkle

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Re: When does it get easier
« Reply #2 on: June 03, 2018, 08:17:32 PM »
Thank you, I really needed to hear that  :hug:

Offline Emz2014

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Re: When does it get easier
« Reply #3 on: June 03, 2018, 10:16:59 PM »
Trying to support someone else in their loss will bring strong feelings of your own loss.  I a!so found the first couple of years were challenging and a rollercoaster at times but it does get easier  :hug: xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline colin

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Re: When does it get easier
« Reply #4 on: June 05, 2018, 05:30:55 PM »
Hi Emz,
  Not been on for some times to chat to you all,I am still grieving for my Pat,its just over 2 years since she had to leave we was so happy and in love and I feel that I  have been robbed of the most precious gift that I was given when my baby fell in love with me, that love we shared for 52 years,the feeling of loss will never leave me I am heartbroken lost and lonely. :hearts: :hearts:

Offline Karena

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Re: When does it get easier
« Reply #5 on: June 06, 2018, 02:11:45 PM »
Hi collin - i think the second year is often somehow worst than the first - partly i think because of other peoples - and sometimes our own expectations - the whole silly year of mourning tradition we were brought up with - but there isnt a sell by date - grief doesnt suddenly switch off after a year as you know now. Its been 7 years for me -I still miss him, i still have times that i feel overwhelmingly lonely - but i have also had times of laughter and enjoyment, of travelling and looking at the stunning beauty of the world, I,ve created a garden i,m finally  proud of,met new people as friends or even just interesting passing aquintances, continued my job continued learning new things and done some stuff for a charity close to my heart.Creating a new, different life didnt happen suddenly either it,it just crept up on me, and i do feel he has been at my side pushing me to do it beacuse i never would have imagined i could even 2 years in.

Grief will always be a part of me - grief  for him and others lost before, but while they were here each brought somehing to my life that has been treasured and kept and so it isnt all of me it can be - because they brought so very much more than grief.

Offline Julieboo

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Re: When does it get easier
« Reply #6 on: August 13, 2018, 06:39:57 AM »
Hello. I'm new here. I lost my Mum Jan 2017 after a 3 month diagnosis. I miss her so very much. I thought I had got through the worst part but do feel as though I've relapsed. I'm lost x

Offline Kes1968

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Re: When does it get easier
« Reply #7 on: August 19, 2018, 11:18:54 AM »
Hello. I'm new here. I lost my Mum Jan 2017 after a 3 month diagnosis. I miss her so very much. I thought I had got through the worst part but do feel as though I've relapsed. I'm lost x
Hi Julie, I lost my mum in February and I’m still adjusting and I also had to have my elderly ailing dog put to sleep two weeks ago, it’s so hard at times but I’ve found this forum invaluable and the people here are so lovely and supportive xx I’m considering bereavement counselling, it’s not for everyone I know but I think it might help, I’ll have to see.

Offline Karena

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Re: When does it get easier
« Reply #8 on: August 20, 2018, 02:10:11 PM »
Hi Julie It is a roller coaster journey and  sometimes it feels like we are back where we started -it isnt easy at all but eventually the slides downhill become less steep and we can climb back out more easilly. :hug:

Offline Twinkle

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Re: When does it get easier
« Reply #9 on: August 21, 2018, 11:35:54 AM »
Keep with the forum, the people on here are wise loving and kind x