Author Topic: Just lost my dad and not coping.  (Read 1412 times)

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Offline Ham29

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Just lost my dad and not coping.
« on: October 17, 2018, 04:17:55 PM »
Hi,

My Grandad who raised me and has only ever been a Dad to me passed away very suddenly two weeks ago today. It was his funeral two days ago and I think the reality of it has now really hit me. I have absolutely no idea what to do, I'm not coping well at all. I feel completely and utterly broken. He wasn't just a Dad to me, he was my 'bestest bud' and my absolute hero and I just can't believe I'm never going to see him again. I feel like I've sunk into such a deep depression now. I went back to work for the first time this morning and just broke down when I spoke to my manager and was bombarded with backed up work. I'd started a new job two weeks previously which had turned out to be absolutely awful. The environment is so incredibly negative and nobody is happy in their roles. There's just four of us stuck in this porta cabin with windows that are blocked by the outside toilets, and nobody talks all day. Whenever I tried I'd just get one word answers and when I went in today none of them spoke to me or asked me how I was doing or anything. It's the worst environment to be in now that this has happened and I've come away feeling so incredibly depressed and lonely. I have no idea what to do or how to get through the day feeling like this. I desperately want to speak to my Dad about it and I can't believe I'm never going to be able to. Please help me.

Emma

Offline Karena

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Re: Just lost my dad and not coping.
« Reply #1 on: October 18, 2018, 12:50:19 PM »
 :hug: :hug: :hug: to be honest even the best job in the world isnt going to prevent you grieving but yours does sound really dire.

It is so hard when the foundations of your life crumble like this and it really is very early days for you, i know a lot of people think the funeral is it, then life goes back to normal, and people fade away back into their own lives.Is there anyone outside work you can talk too - another relative or friend maybe some-one from your old workplace- because people dont know how to react too us and so sometimes we need to reach out first and then when they know we need support they step up.

I found writing here helped - the act of writing itself as well as replies, real friendships have grown from here  and we will be here as long as you need us - we even have an every day chat section because sometimes what we miss is just that every day conversation.Also i found keeping a diary helped - you can do your own here so you know where it is without searching through lots of different subjects  - mine took the form of letters writing too my husband about obviousely not just how much i missed him but all the other stuff i would have told him  anyway.

As for your job - this is probably the worst time to make life changing decisions, but it doesnt mean you cant think about them and plan towards them -so while you may have to stick it out for now keep an eye out for other opportunites or ways to create those opportunitys. I work in a solitary office and its not very interesting work in itself -but i,ve done some free online courses and started transferring my skills to other areas doing voluntary stuff - i think having things to do outside work can make a bad job feel better it becomes a means to an end not an end in itself and so doesnt feature so heavilly. I,m no social butterfly but i have filled the spare, previousely lonely time with other things over the last couple of years as a result of the courses.