feeling depressed

[Kes1968]

I feel really depressed and alone today, have done for a few days ,sorry to be so negative, I just find it hard to see a way forward, i've cancelled my trip away, I dont feel I could cope with seeing my old house etc, I think it would upset me too much. I miss my mum, dad and harry my pooch so much, I find it hard to imagein life without them,

[Alison66]

Hi, I totally identify with how you are feeling. I cannot see joy in anything. I am alone, I have no partner. I just feel overcome with grief.

[Kes1968]

Hi, I totally identify with how you are feeling. I cannot see joy in anything. I am alone, I have no partner. I just feel overcome with grief.

I'm sorry you're feeling this way too. I don't know whether it's because it's the time of year, Christmas is a hugely emotive time for everyone, particularly without loved ones. I've got to get on with things though. I've decided that 2019 is my year to learn to drive, i've left it long enough and I need to find a new job, so having a car will definitely open up my horizons. I know my mum and dad wouldn't want me moping round forever, they were the sort to get on with things and so must I!
It will be a battle but I must start trying to enjoy things, make new memories, have new adventures, so driving lessons will be the first thing on the list, imagine the freedom when I can just get in my car and take myself off to  places or visit friends.
hugs Alison xxxx I  hope youre feeling better about things soon, keep posting xx

[Twinkle]

Hi 
The lack of hope is so familiar, this time of year is so full of emotions and memories it's hard to feel anything will be okay ever again,  my wonderful Dad died 25 years ago, and Mum 18 months, there is no emotion  I haven't experienced including hopelessness. I have been undergoing counselling last three months and gradually am feeling a slither of hope, but every second is interwoven with grief, I wish I could offer you positive help, but I am living proof that you do carry on, and gradually the hurt becomes slightly less, either that or you live with it easier, and plans for the future, although clouded with regret and upset, they become more realistic,
Keep on the forum, it is a massive help

[Kes1968]

im missing the little puppy max as well, I know I did the right thing for him and I know he'll have a good life with his new family, I just miss him today for some reason its hit me again today. I also think I need to get back to work but I dont want to go back to the same old shit I was doing before, I need a new challenge! a friend of mine [the one with whom I spent christmas] said there might be an opening in her department. I'm dreading new years eve but its only one day/night, I think a copious amount of alcohol might be called for.

[Twinkle]

I think all of us have probably used copious amounts of alcohol to get through  at times, we all know it's not the answer but there you go.
Like you am dreading tonight, today, Christmas was bad enough.
As for work I totally understand, I had to keep going in, as I am the only one working, i was suffering from PTSD and the job seems to have become more and more toxic, it's only now, after counselling that I really feel I need to and should change jobs, maybe retrain completely, it's hard as it opens up it's own problems, not being able to share it with Mum etc, I want to try doing some volunteering work in New Year, but all the time I am aware it's just baby steps, as living without them everyday is battle enough

[Kes1968]

I think all of us have probably used copious amounts of alcohol to get through  at times, we all know it's not the answer but there you go.
Like you am dreading tonight, today, Christmas was bad enough.
As for work I totally understand, I had to keep going in, as I am the only one working, i was suffering from PTSD and the job seems to have become more and more toxic, it's only now, after counselling that I really feel I need to and should change jobs, maybe retrain completely, it's hard as it opens up it's own problems, not being able to share it with Mum etc, I want to try doing some volunteering work in New Year, but all the time I am aware it's just baby steps, as living without them everyday is battle enough

thanks twinkle, yes im going to look at retraining for a different job, not sure what yet but hopefully something will pique my interest. I'm seeing my counsellor on 2nd January. I'm just waiting in for a couple of deliveries today from amazon, and then I have to nip to town for a couple of bits and pieces. You're right about alcohol, it's not the answer but unfortunately I will be relying on it to get me through tonight. I just feel so alone, I miss mum and dad and harry so much. I cant believe im ending the year and starting a new one without them. It's so wrong. I know there are millions of people who are in the same position and I keep on bleating the poor old me thing but I just feel so sad, and lonely.

[Dibsy]

Well I just about managed to get through Christmas. One minute up, the next down, unfortunately more downs than up.  Just tonight to get through then I'm hoping things will improve a little. It is such a difficult time of year bringing back so many memories. I just want to give everyone reading this my very best wishes for 2019 and I do really hope that things will improve for everyone. Lots of love to all.

[Twinkle]

I am not sure I would be retraining too but got to try something..I totally totally get what you are feeling, I have a husband and "family" but I have never felt so alone as I have done these last few days, weeks, months.
Of course there are millions going through stuff but that doesn't stop the way we feel, don't try to think of what others are going through but take the time to think about you, I miss my parents more than i can describe and that's okay, it's all so weird and scary and most of all it really hurts, but if I can do day by day, by whatever methods so can you,  it's hard and horrible I am 18 months in with Mum so trust me when I say keep breathing, a day at a time, we are all here for you keep posting what you are feeling