Just lost my dad

[Fazzer 70]

Hi I'm new to this. Lost my dad 4weeks ago now and feel even worse now the funeral is over. Have to work in the hospital where he died so keep crying all the time. Had to organise the funeral myself so I was really busy but now it's over I feel lost. Everyone is telling me it's because I never had time to grieve and now it's hit me big time. Has anyone else been through this?

[Hubby]

Hi Fazzer 70. Welcome to the forum. I'm sorry to hear of your loss.

What you are describing seems very common. I used to think that people lost someone, cried for a bit, had a funeral and then carried on. When I lost my wife some people told me it wouldn't hit me till after the funeral and I thought they were mad. I was already upset how could things get worse? 

Then after the funeral, as people stopped calling round, the phone calls got less frequent and I had more time to think the initial shock wore off and the reality of everything hit me like a sledgehammer. A tsunami of emotions that had me thinking I was losing my mind.

Things do get easier and keeping busy helps but the grief keeps returning often for no apparent reason. I guess it is something we have to work through at our own pace and there are no shortcuts.

Wishing you the strength to cope

 

[Joann]

Fazzer 70, welcome to the forum. So sorry for your loss.
What hubby describes is very common, I think organising a funeral and sorting things out takes a lot of concentration and you push grief to one side. It is hard once everyone else goes back to their lives and you are left with a gaping hole. Please feel free to talk etc, you will find lots of support.

[Fazzer 70]

Don't know whether it's helping because I'm having to sleep at my mother's everynight as she feels it's too soon to be left at night. I've also got a 10 year old who's grieving too in her own way but must be feeling left out because I'm trying to split myself up to help everyone. Doctors have put me on sleeping tablets because my insomnia has got worse. Feel completely drained and low at the moment. 

[pennyking]

So sorry for your loss.  Not easy trying to to juggle and split yourself in 2.  Hope you manage to find some time for yourself as well.  Sending hugs. X

[Hubby]

I was on sleeping pills for insomnia as well. I didn't want to be on them but didn't get any sleep when I missed them. They can also make you feel drained the next day. I've been off them seven days now and can sleep without them but I'm glad I had them when I needed them.

[Fazzer 70]

Has helped to catch up on some sleep but I've only took them for 2days because don't want to rely on them. Everytime I go to sleep I think about my dad and the way he looked in chapel of rest which wasn't good. Have complained about it just waiting to hear why he didn't look at least decent. :-(

[Norma]

Im sorry to hear that seeing your beloved dad in the chapel of rest wasnt a  good memory for you,  it must be so upsetting, im  sure it will fade in time though  and you will then have the happy memory pictures in your head, please take baby dteps don't try to rush through your grief. Xx

 

[Soleil]

Hi Fazzer 70,

I'm am sorry for the loss of your father. Only time and patience will help you along with support from here if you want it.  Insomnia is very common but you do need sleep and like Hubby says, probably after a while, you will need them less and less.  Sending you a hug. 

[zebedee]

Hi. I am so sorry. I feel exactly the same. I lost my dad 8 weeks ago and never knows pain like this.
I feel the same, its these days after the funeral where there's nothing to arrange that Ive found harder. Its like...so what now?

I feel your pain x