Introducing myself

[Sue H]

Hi. I'm Sue. I lost my husband to Motor Neurone disease almost 2 years ago. He died only 8 months after diagnosis so we had barely come to terms with his illness. He was only 48 years old. His death was extremely traumatic and nothing like I expected. I still struggle with his loss and some days I just don't want to get up. I feel guilty for being upset at how much my life has changed when he is not even here to live.
I hope to get some support from people going through a similar experience and also to give support when I am feeling better.

[Norma]

Sending a welcome hug Sue xx

 

Please keep talking to us hun, i know you will find support here and that the guilt you say you are feeling is common amongst most of us on here. Xx

[sue smith]

I don;t think any of us realise how much our lives are going to change when we lose our husband or wife.   Every single thing seems different.   I lost my husband over 5 years ago and it struck me recently that nearly everything I do is because he died.  Everyone I know and every place I go is different.  I miss Colin and I think I always will,  I think about him all the time but my life has settled down into a new routine.  It all takes time and 2 years is really not long.  Remember to take care of yourself xx

[Hubby]

Hi Sue, welcome to the forum, Sorry to hear of your loss.

Guilt is one of the emotions our brains throw in to grieving to confuse us. We feel guilty for things we did, things we didn't do, grieving too much, not grieving enough, things we said, things we never got a chance to say. Its a lose/lose emotion and most of the time we know, deep down, that we have done nothing wrong but still that guilt floats around.

I guess I'm trying to say that guilt is normal.

Stay strong

 

[Sue H]

Thank you for your replies. It means a lot to be thought of as 'normal'. I think people expect you to have moved on after 2 years but I'm still struggling to come to terms with a very different social life. I think of Gavin with every thing I do and wonder if he would approve. He was a very easy going fun person and I am still very angry at him being taken from me.

[Norma]

Moving on with some sort of social life is hard, and people who havent lost a loved one dont know how difficult it is, i think we tend to question ourselves if its okay to do things. But of course its okay we are allowed, our loved  ones would not want us to sit at home grieving for them all the time, but of course whatever we do we take our loved one with us, and it is normal to be angry about the life your Gavin has been denied xxx

 

[zebedee]

 

Hello.

Im so sorry :( I wish I had words to help you.

sending love xxxxxxx

[Karena]

I have learned to think of doing new things or things we used to do together as doing them for him or even with him I,m always aware of his absence but at the same time taking him with me and striving to living my life as a tribute too him.
.I imagined a situation in which we met in another life or whatever, and had a conversation in which I said I spent the rest of my life sitting around weeping and all our friends just got on with their lives and left me too it, or a conversation in which I told him the dolphins still come to the bay,gorge zipping is terrifying but a rainbow in the waterfall made it worth it,or I learned how to use a drill and maintain a vehicle,and that I met new interesting people he would like.It seemed to me that the second option would be a much better and longer conversation,that he would want me to have something interesting to say and because he fell in love with the adventurer and the optamistic idiot,that is me,rather than someone who is ayways sad,or angry.
But it took a long time to find that person again certainly more than 2 years,and even now she isn't always here and I have to keep dragging her back out.