Hi I am new, and need to find a way to let it out.

[Forsakencake]

Hi, my name is cerri I am 25 - married with 3 children.
I lost my father to suicide when I was 6, my mother died when I was 19 after suffering from lung disease.
I watched my 36 year old sister die, when I took her off life support after a brain hemmorage (I was 22). Then my youngest brother died at the age of 17, in a motorbike accident - I was 24.
I am on a lose dose of anti depressent to help with my anxiety mainly.
However the only way I have continued to survive and look after my children is my repressing all of my grief and carrying on.
This means it's starting to come out in ways I would rather avoid, excess irritability and waking up hysterically crying in my sleep.
I have had councillors however due go the amount of trauma and abusive childhood many don't seem to know how to help me.
I want to accept the past and move on, however I have no idea how to.

[pennyking]

Hi and welcome Cerri.  I am so sorry for your losses, such a tragic life you have had.  My heart goes out to you. 
I lost my husband in Dec 2010 my children where 9 at the time and they are what have kept me going ever since.
I wish I had an answer as to how you can move on but talking about it is meant to help and we are good listeners, if you want to talk.
Sending you hugs, take care.  Penny x

[Soleil]

Hi Forsakencake

I am truly sorry for all your losses. I don't think suppressing it will be helpful in the long run. This will sit with you and manifest itself in other ways. I'm not sure how you cannot be helped by counselling. Counsellors or therapists are certainly able to deal with multiple losses. If a child were to lose parents and siblings for example in an air crash, they would surely be able to seek support to work through it. I would not close the door on that and investigate for yourself. Maybe you just didn't find the right one.

 

[Hubby]

I am so sorry to hear of all your losses at such a young age. Not being able to express your grief fully is clearly taking its toll on you. I do hope you can find a counsellor who can help you cope with your repressed feelings.

Take care

 

[Joann]

 :hug:x

[Norma]

Sending you a big (((hug))) Ceri, , im so sorry to hear of all your losses and at such a young age as well. It must be hard for you trying to behave normal in front of your children, but you know hun, how could you possibly be normal with all this grieve held inside of you. There has got to be a therapist/counsellor out there who can help you work through everything thats happened in your young life, please go back to your GP. But until then you should try and make some time for yourself to grieve, i know that wont be easy with a hubby and tbree young children, but you will become really ill if you dont.  Keep talking to us on here, rant, scream and shout to us if you need too, we wont be going anywhere and will be here for you. Xxx

 

[Forsakencake]

Thank you everyone!

I have tried the  gp numerous times, and have been with multiple different councillors.  I even went to the main bereavement cruse offices in my area.
They said they do not have the training needed to deal with my issues, they gave me a number of a friend (preist) to speak with instead.
He was nice to talk to, however the sessions went nowhere.

I think the issue is its hard to get advice from people who have not been in a similar situation to myself.
Loosing so much at a young age is exceptionally isolating.

Although it's isolating at anyage, if you don't have family around you as you grow up it changes you fundermentaly.

[Norma]

I promise you hun, you will never feel isolated on here, our lovely members will always be here to support, advice and listen to you, please keep,talking to us xx

 

[Soleil]

Hi,
I don't know where you live but are you near a city - I'm sure there are hospitals that would be able to connect to a counsellor. Or, have you looked in your phone book for psychologists. Like Norma says, we are always here but you probably need someone professional because of the significant losses you had. What about the priest, can you ask him if he knows anyone.