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Please Post In This Bereavement Support Posting Room / Re: New member
« Last post by Fairclough60 on June 21, 2017, 08:39:57 PM »
Thank you for your replies, yes I think i lost confidence very quickly, Liz was my rock she made me feel safe and secure all of a sudden she wasnt there, shecwas my best friend as well now i have noone to talk too its so lonely, it's going to take a long time before i feel like i did before liz passed away . I had to give up work and take on all household chores which fortunately we always shared but now its full on.
I also have a teenager with learning difficulties which has added to the stress, hes ok but just needs constant reminding to do things.
I think you are right I need to think about and look after myself a lot better, I dont have much me time at the moment its all new but we have got yourself into some sort of routine.
General Discussion / Re: Everyday general chat, everyone welcome, just join in
« Last post by Karena on June 21, 2017, 07:35:17 PM »
Ben was like that.would lie next too the fire and singe if I didn't shift him,same with sun ,,I,d build him a shade put his bed there turn round and he would be sat back in full sun.I used to send him inside when it was scorching.
I think its going to thunder I have a headache which is always a sign.
Just seen the bridge over troubled water fundraiser for Grenfell tower. tears are  flowing again. :cray:
General Discussion / Re: New look forum.
« Last post by Dave Administrator on June 21, 2017, 04:35:29 PM »
Update: It would seem a few members still had logging on problems which could be a browser issue but I am looking into it.

The solution is to use the tab bar (on the same line as the Home page tab) to log in using the Login on the end of that line
General Discussion / Re: Yearning
« Last post by Emz2014 on June 21, 2017, 04:27:20 PM »
Talking about it really helps, it certainly helped me  :hearts:  the sadness will change over time, it's been 4 years since I lost my dad, I still think of him most days, sometimes feel really sad and miss him, some days smile from the memories. They never leave us, but in time it gets easier to cope.  :hearts: xx
Introduce Yourself To Us All / Re: hi im new
« Last post by Emz2014 on June 21, 2017, 04:20:29 PM »
Sending a welcome hug  :hug: xx
Introduce Yourself To Us All / Re: New
« Last post by Emz2014 on June 21, 2017, 04:19:22 PM »
Sending a welcome hug from me  :hug: xx
Introduce Yourself To Us All / Re: Just to say hi and to introduce myself
« Last post by Emz2014 on June 21, 2017, 04:18:49 PM »
Sending a welcome hug  :hug: xx
Please Post In This Bereavement Support Posting Room / Re: New member
« Last post by Emz2014 on June 21, 2017, 04:18:01 PM »
Losing confidence does seem to be an integral part of the grief journey.  I guess its understandable, we have taken a big knock/hit, often our very foundations have been shaken and we often have to do new things which we didnt choose to do.  I certainly lost alot of confidence

And please dont feel a nuisance - we all understand the journey here  :hearts:

I agree with karena, focus on the other friendships.  I found over time different friendship bonds will be stronger or weaker, depending on what I was going through - and thats ok - some people may not be right for certain times.  I had one friend in particular who would always see past the 'I'm fine' mask and we became much closer, whereas other friends didnt understand as they hadnt been bereaved

Dont worry about the confidence at this stage, it will come back, focus on being gentle with yourself and see that this is a time for 'healing' (just like if you had a physical injury it takes time to get back on your feet)  To hopefully give you some hope, I'll share what I do. I keep a little book of new things I want to try, and at the back I keep a list of all the things I've tried and done - there's a list of gigs I've been to, list of new/unusual things I've done (flown an owl & hawk) and things I've achieved (like going for a meal alone, or to the theatre alone).  That really motivates me, and reminds me of what I am capable of and gives me something to strive towards (compound bow archery is on there at the moment in my want to do list)  we so often forget the things we've achieved - it's too easy to feel daunted instead.  And the achievement list can be anything - anything which felt like it was a challenge to you at the time.  May be too soon in your journey, but might be something to consider trying later on if it sounds like something you'd find motivating/helpful

I do find instagram is really useful for inspiration, finding ideas to try, or just viewing beautiful pictures - there's so much on there.  May find it helps a bit on your journey.  And seems theres several people who do random photo challenges on there, so may find one which matches your interest too xx
General Discussion / Re: Everyday general chat, everyone welcome, just join in
« Last post by Emz2014 on June 21, 2017, 03:49:38 PM »
Reading that I have come to realise my dog probably has the brain/intelligence level of a pigeon!!  Had to pick him up a day early as he was really struggling with this heat and as a side effect being a real handful (pushed through her baby gate which keeps dog contained to half the house, pacing, whining from 5:30 and only sleeping about 5 hours).  Got him home and he's panting loads so got his paddling pool out, but after he had a bit of a paddle he decided to run around in the sun at top speed - getting even hotter!!  :huh: :undecided:
Finally have convinced him to lye on lounge floor in front of the fan and he's finally cool and asleep! Xx
Please Post In This Bereavement Support Posting Room / Re: New member
« Last post by Karena on June 21, 2017, 02:26:54 PM »

You are not a nuisance at all. Never feel bad about posting here thats the whole point of this forum otherwise it just wouldnt exist -somewhere to come where you can post as many times,and as long or short as you chose.Its about mutual support we have all been on the same road of losing loved ones we,re just at different points on that journey but always happy to reach out a hand and help some-one else over some of the hurdles, whether we have climbed them and reach back or whether we climb them together.

Without falling out with some-one i think you know when its time to let them drift and focus on the soilid part of the life raft that is still there for you.Your friend would have had all the good intentions in the world when offering to help -everyone does- but its not possible for them to always follow through with that, it doesnt make them bad people everyone has a different role to play -maybe her upset is because she is being reminded of feelings she hasnt dealt with herself in her own grief.
Losing confidence is horrible i never had much to start with but gradually i am gaining some back.There are still lots of things i cant do but long ago there was a discussion on here about eating out alone -it was kind of a benchmark measure of confidence -and i said i could never see the day when i would do it -and i never have, but later i realised it doesnt matter because i dont need too -you have to pick the dragons you actually want to slay.I can get on a plane and fly to Africa on my own -because my daughter lives out there so its really important to me  -but i cant eat out in a cafe down the road alone and i dont really care because eating out wasnt important when there was two of us so why on earth should it be important now.
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