Feeling so very low

[mike59]

This is the Time of the Year we all who have lost Loved ones find so Very hard, I know I am it would have been our 39th Anniversary
on November 5th, I will Celebrate it with my children hopefully either way I am going to get My wife a Card and a Present to put by her Ashes in my Living Room, if you didnt know I Lost my Wife to Lung Cancer on 28th Febuary 20126 and will never get over it. she was my Life and I feel mine is also Loosing its Spark Im having really bad days and having problems to recoverIve Lost Interest in everything,I have 3 wonderful children(adults) 2 with there own children  my oldest son Lives with me which is my main reason for carrying on,I know there are others of you who are or have been in a simular situation, but these anniversaries are so hard to cope with I dread my wedding Anniversary but i have to celebrate it because not do I love my wife so much I cannot see into the future, sorry for the Rant but I had to Post this as I havent been on to post very much, GodBless all of you. xxx

[Brian71]

I fully empathise with you Mike,  that could have been me writing that,  anniversaries can be tough,   I was dreading ours 2mths ago which would have been our 49th,  and like you I also bought a card and placed it on her casket in the lounge.  I did have a small cry but it wasn't as bad as I thought it might have been.   

My wife also died from lung cancer (4th April) as you probably know,  it is tough to carry on, it really is, because there's been times when I didn't want to do so, and I'm sure you've likely felt the same at times Mike,  but we have to try.

It's 7mths for me on 4th November, and I've been trying to get out more,  I even paid £59 for 3mths membership on a over 60's dating site last week,  but I'm just kidding myself,  it's far too early because in reality I'm still grieving, so this morning I deleted everything and cancelled my account.

It's good your children still keep in touch, and AYS Mike having the one son at home may be helping a little too.  I think my 2 sons  emigrated to another planet after their Mum passed away,  my daughter however has been brilliant,  so I'll likely be going down to Cornwall for a couple days with them over Xmas.

This past week has been 'a woe is me week', feeling depressed and sorry for myself,  I'm usually a very positive and confident type of guy, but not at the moment, but I know I have to keep trying, because I know where the path I'm on is heading. and you have to do the same.

Hopefully Mike, we can all reach a stage eventually where life becomes bearable again,  I wish you strength my friend, and I've likely depressed you more instead of giving you support....sorry Mike.
It's times like this when we have to revert back to..Taking it a day at a time.

You take care Mike, and have a man-hug from me.   

[Julie Magson]

Hi Mike, it's strange but we are at a similar stage and over the past few weeks have felt a lot worse. This has lifted slightly but it wouldn't take much to go down again. I wonder if this is yet another 'normal' stage in our grief? Also putting the clocks back and Xmas coming all combine to this feeling. Plus you have an Anniversary to overcome. I found that the day itself for me wasn't as traumatic as the lead up to it. Not easy but not as bad as I was dreading. Keep talking and pouring things out on here, we can see each other through X

[Brian71]

What Julie states is right,   I think for a lot of us on here who have lost their husband or wife this year,  Xmas is going to be very difficult,  I'm absolutely dreading it.  It's normally a time of great happiness,  I used to look forwards to Xmas,  but this Xmas for many of us on here I fear it will be a time of great sadness,  damn, it's not even here yet and I'm getting depressed.

[mike59]

Thankyou both Brian and Julie, you are Both very right in everything you both say  I have just found out  from a little bird that the kids are arranging a little Family Get together just me and my children and Grand children,Im not supposed to know its just to help celebrate my wedding Anniversary I really dont think its a Celebration without Gail my wife makes me cry typing this, as you Both know and feel How much we miss Our Loved ones, Brian I dont think you are feeling sorry for your self at all it showes how much you loved your Wife, anyways Thankyou Both again.

                                                   
                                                                                                              ..... Mike xx

[Julie Magson]

Aw that is lovely of your family,  but I understand totally when you say it won't be a celebration for you, how can it be. They must accept that there will be tears.

[Karena]

As Julie mentioned its not just Xmas or anniversary's,for me its his birthday,but the clocks going back the darker nights and the cold.They never seemed as bad when they meant smuggling up on the sofa in front of a warm fire.

I have found there were things I lost interest in,but I did try and do other things,and some things I have gone back too that I couldn't be bothered with in the earlier days.

The other day I came across
a  costume I made for him I put so much work into and enjoyed it,but even though I have been to the event it was made for since its been a case of throwing something together no effort going in, it would have been the same this year and finding his costume  like that is something that once upon a time would have ended in floods of tears.
But looking at it I could almost hear him saying look at what you used to do,the hours you put in for me,the skills you learned and are now wasted  and do it for yourself.
I have been engrossed  making one ever since.
So what I,m trying to say is that eventually something that could create pain doesn't always and even though they're not here they can still inspire us .

[Hubby]

We all dread our 'special days' but I have found that the dread is mainly worse than the actual day is. Minot saying those days aren't upsetting, they certainly are, but they aren't as bad as we imagine them to be beforehand. Among the tears are the memories and they are the most precious things we have.

So don't celebrate mike but do take some time to go over some of those fond memories with your family and you may even find a bit of happiness, perhaps even laughter, among the tears.

Take care

[longedge]

So many of the things you said in your post could have come straight out of my mouth Mike. My current 'worry' is how I'm going to get through Christmas. I keep telling everybody that I'm going to bed and don't disturb me until March 

[Hubby]

Sounds like a plan to me George

[longedge]

Sounds like a plan to me George

I don't think I'm going to be allowed to get away with it though 

[Hubby]

To paraphrase the villains in Scooby Doo "We might have got away with it if it wasn't for those pesky kids" 

[Brian71]

Something, I've never mentioned,  but often when I go to bed at night,  I'll snuggle down, pull the bedclothes around me to try and get warm quicker.   Then I close my eyes and try and see if I can see her face in that blackness, I've noticed I rarely dream now, and I would really love to have a dream about her, maybe seeing her in it, it would be so nice.   The theory being that if I'm thinking about her as I nod off, then maybe it might lead to that dream,  but sadly it never happens. 

Any of you ever had that illusive dream ?  the one I'd love to have myself....just wondered..

[longedge]

Good morning Brian,

I've dreamt about Chris on occasion and I've heard her voice calling my name out in the way she used to when she was trying to make me stir myself  .  That's only when I'm in in that half awake state you go through before being fully awake though.

I used to loved to snuggle up in bed at night. I was/am always warm and she was always like a block of ice. As I fall asleep I imagine she's there and I've noticed that sometimes now I actually feel as if she is. It's very comforting. Keep trying 

[mike59]

I have a Pillow that Gail ( my wife) used to take it everywhere we went even on Holidays, I have to sleep with that pillow Because I know if the Pillow is near me Gail isnt far Behind Hopefully next to me, I have had a few Dreams about her Recently but most of the time it wakes me up.

                                                                                                          Take care all ......Mike x