Author Topic: Coming up to a year  (Read 3076 times)

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Offline Emz2014

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Re: Coming up to a year
« Reply #60 on: April 20, 2017, 09:16:17 PM »
It can be hard to get started.  Ive done that many times, (and quite often when it comes to filing/paperwork at home - I'm the queen of procrastination with that task!) one trick you can try is to say to yourself I'll go and do this for just 5 mins - perhaps it's to do just part of the job - once you get started it is often easier to continue and you may feel a sense of satisfaction that you've done it and may then feel inclined to continue with other tasks - or you will have at least have taken an item (or part of a task) off the to do list

Writing a list and crossing stuff off helps too - clearing the list provides a sense of getting stuff done which can bring an element of satisfaction.  And like Karena said, so often when we put things off they get so much harder to tackle or snowball into bigger things to fix which will take even more motivational energy

Our motivational energy isnt endless, so perhaps start small - do a few things and gradually build up.  Focus on everything being little successes - focus on what has been achieved, it all adds up to being done for a reason.   :hearts: xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline Hubby

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Re: Coming up to a year
« Reply #61 on: April 28, 2017, 11:31:38 PM »
Thanks for the replies. You may have noticed I've not been on the forum for quite a while.

I seem to be at a funny point on my journey. The grief is still there and I have my upsets every day but it's not unbearable and usually doesn't last too long. I'm coping pretty well with it. The rest of the time I just can't be bothered with anything. I'm also becoming very withdrawn. I think it's depression with this new life I find myself in. No fun, no purpose, no point to anything.

I've got to drag myself out if this rut but I don't know how to start.


Offline Emz2014

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Re: Coming up to a year
« Reply #62 on: April 29, 2017, 08:12:46 AM »
I had a similar period in my journey, questioning the meaning and purpose of everything, struggled massively with motivation regarding work etc, motivation to do housework etc.  I did alot of reading around that time, seeking answers.  That helped me through the period. I guess its another stage which will pass in time, we just have to be careful we dont allow it to dip into depression.

Keep trying to see friends and family, try not to isolate yourself.  Try and keep the basics going in the house etc, but dont give yourself too much of a hard time if you let some things relax a bit. (If you miss the dusting for a week because you see you family instead, thats ok)  Have a think on the things that do bring those lighter times, like your grandson, and incorporate those in as much as possible and acknowledge the things you do achieve, they are an achievement  :hearts: xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline Karena

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Re: Coming up to a year
« Reply #63 on: April 29, 2017, 07:10:58 PM »
I noticed you went here . :hug:as Emz said a difficult time,trying to make something positive out of a new life that you neither expected,asked for or like.I think its a case of collecting brief moments of happy,just simple things like a kick around with your grandson,and then build them up.Maybe plan something to do with him,give him a pot of plants and a watering can,take him to an event,etc.
I,m not incapable of having fun but at the same time i have noticed the new me is not as much fun as the old one and I suppose you could even say up tight a lot of the time. Still on the outside looking in.
Maybe its a control thing.Grief is a time when our lives spin out of control,so maybe on the road to recovery we collect up bits of control,then find it really difficult to do anything that might mean losing even a fraction of it again.
But despite moments of sadness I wouldn't say I,m unhappy most of the time either but it took a long time to get here.

Offline pennyking

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Re: Coming up to a year
« Reply #64 on: April 29, 2017, 08:40:30 PM »
Hugs  :hug:

Offline Hubby

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Re: Coming up to a year
« Reply #65 on: May 03, 2017, 09:15:32 PM »
Thanks again. Just had another long weekend of doing nothing. I'm getting more withdrawn. I was invited out for a drink at the weekend but didn't go choosing to stay in even though I knew I wouldn't do anything.

On Saturday I was quite down and on the way back from the shops I thought I saw Margaret down the road. It wasn't her if course just someone who looked slightly similar but the split second journey from joy to misery took its toll and just about finished me if for the day.

I'm managing great with work, home is Completely different. It's getting to the point where not doing anything makes me feel guilty and depressed leading to me not feeling even less like doing anything. A nasty downward spiral I've got to get myself out of. I just can't seem to manage it just yet.

Offline Karena

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Re: Coming up to a year
« Reply #66 on: May 04, 2017, 07:34:52 PM »
 :hug: I also spent the three days home alone but ask yourself a question.Is the problem being at home or is the problem that you feel you shouldn't be,that somehow you are failing by not being out,which is a different thing altogether.

Offline Hubby

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Re: Coming up to a year
« Reply #67 on: May 12, 2017, 03:29:07 PM »
Thanks Karena.

I'm not sure what the problem is. I'm just so tired and unmotivated. I know I'll be ok if I can get myself started but I just can't get my foot on the first rung.

This week has been exactly the same apart from last Sunday when I went out with my grandson and had a really good time. I've been on nights so a few extra reminders leading to tears but nothing too long lasting. Maybe this is just the way it is from here on in.

Offline Emz2014

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Re: Coming up to a year
« Reply #68 on: May 12, 2017, 05:50:59 PM »
Sending a hug  :hug: 
It's only another part of the journey, and this feeling too will pass.  :hearts:  perhaps factor in more time with your grandson right now - that's more what it's about, housework etc can wait a bit xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline Hubby

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Re: Coming up to a year
« Reply #69 on: May 15, 2017, 08:21:46 PM »
Thanks emz. I'm hoping this stage will pass.

I was on nights last week again so there were a few flashback moments as I've not worked many nights since losing Margaret. I did manage a couple of small jobs over the weekend but nothing I could say made any real difference. Had a good laugh with little Ollie on Sunday. He's getting cheekier every week.

Last night I had a bit of a meltdown. Very vivid memories everywhere I went in the house much stronger than I am used to. It led to problems getting to sleep and I slept through all my alarms this morning. I don't know if that's a bad thing or a good thing but at least it's something different.

Offline Karena

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Re: Coming up to a year
« Reply #70 on: May 16, 2017, 07:47:27 PM »
 a couple of jobs is a start,but spending time with Ollie is more important than jobs,My eldest grandson is nearly 13 now. and we still have a special bond but at the moment he is mostly in a phrase wher he grunts sometimes when he lifts his head from whatever game he is playing on his phone for long enough.
,There will still be jobs that need doing when Ollie's 13 but grab the time he wants to just play while you can,they grow up so quickly.

Offline Hubby

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Re: Coming up to a year
« Reply #71 on: May 25, 2017, 10:18:19 PM »
It was nice to meet up with you an emz at the weekend. I didn't get to talk to emz much but it's always nice up put a face to the name.

I've been pretty much OK this week. Busy in work but managing to get a bit of housework done when I get in. Of course there are still down times and tears but nothing major. I can't start any of the bigger jobs because of my arm but I am feeling more positive than I have in a while. Maybe the weekend away did me some good.

Offline Emz2014

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Re: Coming up to a year
« Reply #72 on: May 25, 2017, 10:25:14 PM »
Was lovely to meet you hubby, a shame we didnt get time to talk for long.  By the eve my throat was struggling from loudly talking over the music in the venues lol.  It was a lovely meet. 
I do think time away from our routine, and the supportive nature of the meets help.  :hearts:  Glad this week has been gentler to you xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline Karena

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Re: Coming up to a year
« Reply #73 on: May 29, 2017, 06:38:36 PM »
Did you consult medics on your arm,I,m glad you didn't get post meet slump anyway,I used to get that a lot with camping meets,going from all out socialising to empty house but less so now.

Offline colin

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Re: Coming up to a year
« Reply #74 on: May 30, 2017, 06:02:35 PM »
Hi everyone,
           Not been on line for some time,just trying to cope with the loss of my Pat is so hard to bare most of the time I will never get over losing her.I like most of you have just gone through all the firsts without our soulmates,it don;t get easier,the tears of heartache and loss still keep flowing,so so lost and broken.
                                                    Respect and thanks to you all.
                                                                               Colin.