Author Topic: dad passed away 11 days ago  (Read 2517 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Treece

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 12
  • Karma: +0/-0
dad passed away 11 days ago
« on: April 17, 2017, 04:46:09 PM »
Hello everyone..didn't think I'd find myself here but really need to talk so hope that's ok.My wonderful dad passed away 11 days ago.He had just reached 90..I know..that's a long long life but it doesn't make it easier.He was enormously independent and active right up till Christmas, loving alone the 4 years since my mum died and still riding his bike every day and shopping and gardening.At Christmas he went downhill very suddenly after a small fall and suffered badly with a pain in his back- he never even took a painkiller or went to the doctors in years so when he couldn't get out he was very depressed.Anyway he ended up in hospital and they diagnosed pneumonia but found lots of cancer and gave him about 6 weeks.The last 3 he was in a nursing home on strong morphine and in and out of normal conversation and complete confusion and hallucinations.I know he wanted to die and be with my mum who was his life.He I my suffered for a few weeks but it was worse for me than any of my cancer treatment.I was with him when he died..he'd had a terrible morning of confusion and pain but slipped away peacefully.I was a mother's girl all my life but since she died myself and daughters and grandsons took him on holidays and days out, I rang him every day and visited..just helped keep him going I think.He was hugely popular with everyone..always positive and joking.Last year was a difficult year as I got cancer and we managed to keep it from my dad so as not to worry him.I've only just finished treatment and was looking forward to a new year of recovering and happiness.I have a brother but we've never been close..seen him until recently about 3 times since my mum died.He was good to dad in the last couple of years but admit I hold some bad feelings as he hardly saw my parents at all for the last two or three years of my mum's life..no get togethers or Christmases and I know this hurt her.We are very different people and have no shared memories of dad really as he's 6 years older than me and my childhood memories of him are pretty unpleasant.He is dealing with all.the financial side and no idea if he feels anything.He was always a closed book.Usually I talk to my close friend but he didn't have close family bonds and admits he doesn't understand.I feel such a miserable wretch, I don't even want to be around me let alone burden friends with what seems like on bad news story after another for the past year.My daughters are wonderful but have been through so much with me I mustnt depress them further.I live alone and things feel pretty bad.I really do feel like an orphan and cast adrift.Every family trip he would have been walking by my side and next to me at the table.Everywhere reminds me of him.Thank you for letting me say this.I really have no one to tell.Don't want to stay in but struggle to listen and talk to others and have normal conversations.I feel completely in a bubble of pain.

Offline Emz2014

  • Administrator
  • VIP Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1904
  • Karma: +130/-0
Re: dad passed away 11 days ago
« Reply #1 on: April 17, 2017, 07:29:40 PM »
Sending a welcome hug  :hug:  you are amongst people who understand
It's very early days, be gentle with yourself.  Its a rollercoaster journey but you are not alone on it here xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline laurela

  • New Members
  • *
  • Posts: 3
  • Karma: +0/-0
Re: dad passed away 11 days ago
« Reply #2 on: April 17, 2017, 11:27:11 PM »
I'm so sorry to hear of this. I know how difficult it is to lose your dad, but just know that you're not alone. Sending you lots of well wishes and kind thoughts.  :hug:

Offline Treece

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 12
  • Karma: +0/-0
Re: dad passed away 11 days ago
« Reply #3 on: April 18, 2017, 09:26:18 AM »
Thank you both x

Offline Treece

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 12
  • Karma: +0/-0
Re: dad passed away 11 days ago
« Reply #4 on: April 20, 2017, 11:06:48 AM »
Have a long wait till 8th May for the funeral as my nephew is in New Zealand and we're waiting for him to get back.I'm dreading the funeral as it's held in the church where Dad was a member as I was once so organ music and hymns will make me go to pieces.My mum's was non religious and I held it together for my dad but this will be different.Meeting with the rector and having prayers was hard enough.I really don't want to lose it in front of my daughters.

Offline Norma

  • Administrator
  • VIP Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 585
  • Karma: +68/-0
Re: dad passed away 11 days ago
« Reply #5 on: April 20, 2017, 02:48:02 PM »
Please dont worry about 'losing'it in front of anyone Treece, holding back your feelings is no good for you, its the most natural thing to cry when you are saying your goodbyes to who has been the mainstay of your life, at this point in your bereavement journey its  hard to ever imagine you will recover from the nightmare, but you will Treece, it will take time so small steps, but most important is you look after yourself,xx

 :hug:
Its been a rough week but i made it. How about you 💐