I've never written anything like this before, so apologies if I ramble on a bit.
I lost my Dad suddenly and unexpectedly 20 months ago, he was 68. Mum and Dad had been on holiday with us and less than 36 hours after getting home Mum rang us at 5 am and said those 3 words I never wanted to (and will never again) hear 'It's your Dad'. The paramedics were at their house and could I meet her at A&E. Dad had had a heart attack. We had 11 days of visiting intensive care, he never regained consciousness and after a few days we were told he had suffered severe brain damage. A few days later was told nothing more they could do for him and was time to remove ventilation tube and let nature take its course. He passed away later that evening. Dad had never said he was feeling unwell, he never liked to make a fuss. One of the hardest things I had to do was tell my children (who were 5 & 8 at the time) their beloved Grandad was poorly and then had gone to heaven. My husband was very supportive (he had lost his Mum 8 years earlier). I still cannot believe its happened and he's gone.
Now, 20 months later, I'm still very emotional and the last couple of weeks I can't get to sleep because I keep thinking of Dad, which bring on sad thoughts and tears. I miss him so very much as we were close, always felt got on better with Dad than Mum - we seemed to have an understanding, and I find seeing others with their Dads hard to watch. My Mum is still finding it very hard, and fluctates between being very negative, full of self pity and emotional and trying to get on with her life. Being supportive for her is hard and I feel I don't want to put added burden on her grief with my grief. I feel that I cannot really talk about my grief as people don't understand why I'm still feeling like this, some people compare it to their grief when they've lost a grandparent or in-law. I feel that unless you've lost a parent or someone who you are extremely close to and regard as a parent they don't really get it. I've lost grandparents, who I was close to, but those feelings don't compare to the feelings I have now. (Sorry if I've offended anyone, wasn't my intention, it's just what I have experienced).
Reading other comments on this site today has made me feel a bit more normal, although as someone put it our normal is a different normal now. Sorry for rambling on.
