Author Topic: Advice wanted.  (Read 3149 times)

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Offline bigdave

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Advice wanted.
« on: May 05, 2017, 04:02:23 PM »
Hi everyone, i'm looking for a little advice from people that might understand alittle more than others. My wife died new years eve 2015, she had stopped breathing during the night, i had woken up but just went back to sleep cuddling her. in the morning I did 15 minutes of chest compression and we eventually got her to hospital but she was brain dead. ive started counselling recently for depression ptsd and anxiety but the people that i talk to seem to be pushing pills at me. i'm scared because the only thing that keeps me from suicide is the voices in my head that tell me i deserve the pain. i let her die and the last thing i did for her was to shatter her ribs. the voices are sometimes her and although its horrible stuff she shouts its still her and idont want that to go. sounds like im a bit nuts (probably am)but just dont know what to do about the pills. part of me wants some peace so i can sleep for more than a couple of hours. at the moment i live on coffee and red bull not overly good i know. do they work, any ideas. Thanks

Offline Karena

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Re: Advice wanted.
« Reply #1 on: May 05, 2017, 08:50:50 PM »
They work for some people .the doctors will change them if one kind doesn't work for you.antidepressants can take a while to kick in and you have to stay the course with them and come off them slowly as advised by the doctor.something like prozak is something you can take to work more quickly but they can be addictive quite quickly.I did take those once in the past and found carrying the last one round in the bottle got me off them.It was kind of re assurance that if things got in manageable I could take it,but because it was the last one I could convince myself a given situation wasn't as bad as the next one could be so maybe I had better save it.I never did take it.But this time round I got prescribed them again,took one and had really bad effect.Others here have had no problem with them,so its difficult to advise.Perhaps yourvgp would be better placed to tell you about the options.
Or maybe even try a homeopathic remedy.Simple things like a bedtime routine.warm bath calming type of tea Pukka nighttime helps me,and pillow sprays lavender is a good one.
I know its useless saying it wasn't your fault,I,m sure enough people have said that already but your mind tells you otherwise thats the ptsd and right now thats your reality.

You won't lose her by letting go of the nightmare.of her,but you do risk losing the person she really was.
Not someone who would be happy to torture you,but someone you loved,and who loved you and that is the person you want to take forward in your heart and mind.She would not want to be your torturer and she would not want to see you punish yourself like this,any more than you would want her to punish herself if it had happened the other way round.
Something you could try is imagine a pack of plain cards.Think of a good memory of her and imagine it imprinted on the card.collect as many of them as you can.Then when the worst memory comes out do the same but put it to the back of the pack and replace it with one of the good ones.It sounds a bit crazy but it helped me through some black times,and I got so I could do it as I came round from a nightmare which meant sleep wasn't so badly disturbed as waking up,being afraid of going back to sleep,so getting up.

Offline Zita

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Re: Advice wanted.
« Reply #2 on: May 09, 2017, 09:27:31 AM »
Hi BigDave...first thing...lay off the redbull and coffee, any caffeine will affect your sleep and make anxiety worse...I absolutely love redbull and used to drink it daily but I had to stop because anxiety was crippling me. Moving on to the antidepressants...I was on Prozac for over 10 years and came off them with no problems, then my mum passed away suddenly and I really wasn't coping so I'm back on them and 6 weeks on I already feel much better...antidepressants take time to work and dosage might have to be increased but if you feel they are not working for you go back to your GP and perhaps you can be prescribed a different one. Hang in there...things will get better even if it doesn't seem like it right now.  :hug:

Offline bigdave

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Re: Advice wanted.
« Reply #3 on: May 09, 2017, 11:02:48 AM »
Thanks for the advice. Councillor is rushing thru an appointment with somebody who can deal with the guilt and ptsd (reckons maybe manic depressive as well as suicidal  whoop pee) as she thinks im a bit beyond her skill set. seeing gp tomorrow about medication so at least im trying to deal with it. maybe ill make friends with the voices at least ill get an intelligent conversation. The caffiene is the only way i can concentrate at the moment but i know i shouldnt, so ill try and deal with that when i can sleep. thanks again

Offline Norma

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Re: Advice wanted.
« Reply #4 on: May 09, 2017, 12:43:22 PM »
Sending you a   :hug:  Bigdave,

I know its not easy not to feel  guilt and blame yourself, it is a normal emotion, the if only's and what if's, and its pointless saying you did the best you could, because no matter who or how many times were told that, it makes no difference, im not going to advise you what you should take and what works. Because  at the end of the day we all get through our nightmares in a way that works for us,
But what i will say is you matter so please take care and  look after your health, and keep posting to us xx
Its been a rough week but i made it. How about you 💐

Offline Emz2014

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Re: Advice wanted.
« Reply #5 on: May 09, 2017, 07:33:49 PM »
Im afraid I echo the advice about the caffeine, it has been proven that caffeine over a certain amount (and the threshold is quite low) brings on anxiety symptoms.  So will add to the difficulties you are experiencing
The lack of sleep will be contributing to the difficulties too, if you can seek some way of getting some sleep that will help you cope better.  Have you tried putting in place a routine to attempt sleep?
Sending a hug xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline bigdave

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Re: Advice wanted.
« Reply #6 on: May 09, 2017, 08:25:47 PM »
Hi yes ive tried sleep routines but i cant sleep for more than 11/2 hours at a time, my mind tells me something bad will happen because when i did sleep through she died. I have to have loud noise (normally music) all the time even when i try to sleep or the voices tell me its all my fault and i deserve all the pain etc. thats part of the PTSD i guess trying to drown them out, and i cant be in the dark now so its all a bit difficult. i am trying to sleep in different places around the house to see if that helps and i lay off coffee and stuff later in the day when i dont need to be too sharp. reading what ive written has at least made me realise i might have a bit of a problem. well hopefully the psychiatrist will help. nice to know people care, even if i dont most of the time. so thank you xxx

Offline Karena

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Re: Advice wanted.
« Reply #7 on: May 22, 2017, 06:44:22 PM »
In the early days I would take off with the dog and walk at night,but in the house I couldn't stand silence so the TV was always on,even now it goes straight on when I come in. Later I  spent a long time sleeping on the sofa with TV on.It wasn't a good thing but it got me through the nights .I would wake frequently but rather than get up for hours,drift back off again.Later I graduated to a bedtime routine then headphones and chill out music.Now I have started sleeping in a bed again,and reading,but with a clock ticking.Something that would have annoyed me in the past,but now helps.It all takes time and you have to do whatever gets you through the best way you possibly can,and I know PTSD therapy has other techniques which might help.

Offline Hubby

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Re: Advice wanted.
« Reply #8 on: May 25, 2017, 10:51:23 PM »
Hi bigdave.

You've been though an extremely traumatic experience that's bound to have a major impact on you. I'm pleased to hear you are finally getting some help.

I have been on Prozac for many years. Ironically I was withdrawing from them when I lost my wife and was immediately put back on the full dose. They take a few weeks to reach full effect and, to be honest, it can sometimes seem like they aren't doing anything. I did start reducing the dose myself after a few months but that caused a very big dip in my mood and I'm back on the full dose again. You do have to take them as advised and only cpne off them under supervision.

In the early days I needed more help.  I was given diazepam and they worked almost instantly. Unfortunately they made me feel a bit like a zombie and as the effects wore off I found myself panicking in case I ran out. I think it would be very easy to get addicted to them.

I also had sleeping tablets. They were a bit hit and miss. Sometimes they worked. Sometimes I still didn't get sleep even though they made me really tired sometimes they worked too well not only making me sleep but also making me dozy for the rest of the next day. The diazepam and sleeping tablets were both short term.

They are my experiences and I've no idea if tablets would work for you or not but I would say that, when I was at my very lowest, the thing that helped more than any of the pills was a phone call to the Samaritans. i honestly believe I wouldn't still be here today without them.

Wishing you strength.