Author Topic: Grief and work - advice needed  (Read 1745 times)

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Offline EssexBird

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Grief and work - advice needed
« on: November 09, 2017, 01:39:03 PM »
Hi Everyone

This is my first posting so apologies if I've put it in the wrong place. I lost my Dad 5 weeks ago, very suddenly and totally out of the blue, he hadn't been poorly at all and he literally died in front of me, I tried to give him CPR but he could not be saved. My world has fallen apart he was only 70. I work in an admin role and have taken as little time off as possible over the past 4 weeks, I've taken a total of 8 days. My boss informed me this morning that I 'should be over the death of your Father by now and should be back on my game in the workplace'. I haven't missed any deadlines at work or overlooked a single task. This comment by my boss has totally knocked me for 6, so much so that I am now contemplating looking for another job. Am I being over sensitive? any advice would be really gratefully received. x

Offline Karena

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Re: Grief and work - advice needed
« Reply #1 on: November 09, 2017, 08:31:27 PM »
Welcome.what a terrible shock that must have been.
Actually I think your boss is being overly insensitive ,what a thing to say.Unfortunately some people do really believe that grief ends with the funeral,usually because they havnt experienced it themselves, not trying to excuse your boss sometimes they're just so wrapped up in performance targets,figures and inconvenience of staff absences and forget to be human beings.
I think now might be the wrong time to be taking big leaps into another job though.I know when we lose someone it almost feels as though making another big life change will somehow make us feel better,but in reality you can't run from grief.First consider whether you enjoyed the job before this happened and whether whatever the attraction of it was is still there despite what has been said by one person.Then if you still want to move look around see what's out there,or even consider doing some training or education in your own time so you can move up or move sideways into something you want to do.That's the kind of move that you could make in tribute too your dad even.Try to make it a positive move towards something not just a leap from frying pan to fire.
Meanwhile be kind too yourself,you are not being oversensitive grief is something which affects us all differently but just because there are no bandages doesn't make it something any less life changing than physical injury.

Offline Emz2014

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Re: Grief and work - advice needed
« Reply #2 on: November 09, 2017, 10:22:52 PM »
That was an incredibly insensitive mindless thing for your boss to say, and shows he has obviously never experienced loss himself
You are doing really well and are not being over sensitive  :hug: .  Is it possible to take a day or two to have a break from your workplace?  To have some space from them to gather your thoughts?
Sometimes losing a loved one can make us stop and reevaluate our work, but it can help to take those steps steadily if possible, until you're sure of the direction you want xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx