Author Topic: Hi everyone just want to introduce myself  (Read 1334 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Stevie wee

  • New Members
  • *
  • Posts: 7
  • Karma: +0/-0
Hi everyone just want to introduce myself
« on: November 19, 2018, 08:57:13 AM »
My names Steve and I lost my wife a month ago after a 10 week battle with accute respiratory distress syndrome. She passed away in my arms. I'm like most of you devastated, alone, and I'm wondering what the point of going on is. I have people all around me but still feel so alone. I am finding work a challenge but I have to pay the bills. I've never been an anxious person but I am now. I can't eat and the odd thing is I'm not hungry even after 3 or 4 days without food. Her funeral is tomorrow and getting through it fills me with dread.

Offline Karena

  • Administrator
  • VIP Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2132
  • Karma: +145/-0
Re: Hi everyone just want to introduce myself
« Reply #1 on: November 19, 2018, 12:22:45 PM »
Hi - it is such early days for you - and not at all suprising you feel like this - i didnt really eat initially and i couldnt focus at work - made the silliest of mistakes - but i do feel perhaps you went back quite soon  - i know there are bills to pay, and also days to fill and working does at least put some routine into the day and make you get out of bed where you dont feel you want too -  i have no idea what your job is - but if you have a decent boss or supervisor - maybe you could explain that you are struggling and ask them if there is any way you can do "light duties" for a bit - so any mistakes you make will not be things that cant be rectified.

Even when we know our loved one is ill - the end is still a shock - we fill our lives with caring for them and all the time is that false hope - maybe even subconsciousely that there will be a cure or there has been a mistake and in a way in those early days of shock can make us close down - we dont feel hungry because our physical system has kicked in to create reserves -as a result of the shock, just as if it was shock created by a physical injury.   
Anxiety is also part of grief - i had panic attacks -and perhaps it has left me a more anxious person, but that has faded and i dont have panic attacks  like i did in the early days because there are ways you can fend them off and learn to deal with anxiety and for many people that anxiety does completely stop in time.

Will be thinking of you tomorow. :hug:

Offline Munstermum

  • New Members
  • *
  • Posts: 7
  • Karma: +0/-0
Re: Hi everyone just want to introduce myself
« Reply #2 on: November 19, 2018, 05:37:31 PM »
Hi Steve, my husband died six weeks ago and like you I feel alone even though I have family and friends who have supported me, but they don't live with me.  I dreaded the funeral, I wanted it over but didn't actually want it to happen, it even crossed my mind briefly not to go, but I couldn't do that, I owed it to him and all the people who loved him. In the end, it all passed very smoothly, we were all upset, but so proud of the send off we gave him.  I know it's not for everyone, but I used a herbal product called Rescue Remedy, it's supposed to have a calming effect and surprisingly it did work for me. I felt calm and dignified, had a few wobbles when I met certain people who set me off, but in the end I felt proud of myself for getting through it.  I will also be thinking of you tomorrow and wishing you strength.

Offline Emz2014

  • Administrator
  • VIP Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1904
  • Karma: +130/-0
Re: Hi everyone just want to introduce myself
« Reply #3 on: November 19, 2018, 07:05:23 PM »
Sending a welcome hug  :hug:
The first few months are the worst - be gentle with yourself, do your best to keep eating. Its a horrid rollercoaster journey, it will get easier in time.  You are not alone here xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline Cinn

  • New Members
  • *
  • Posts: 7
  • Karma: +0/-0
  • Gender: Female
Re: Hi everyone just want to introduce myself
« Reply #4 on: November 21, 2018, 08:30:38 PM »
Hello Steve,
How are you feeling today? I lost my husband this past week and I'm really struggling.  I just wanted to reach out to tell you you're not alone.  Take care.

Offline Stevie wee

  • New Members
  • *
  • Posts: 7
  • Karma: +0/-0
Re: Hi everyone just want to introduce myself
« Reply #5 on: November 23, 2018, 09:52:17 AM »
Hi thanks for your reply sorry to hear you lost your husband. I know its really heartbreaking isn't it. I can't get any of it out of my head. I miss her so much it hurts. Where do we go from here. Seems like life's done now. Plans wishes everything gone. I've got kids grandkids but I'm still so alone. Can't see how I'm ever going to get through it.. Your not alone either I can't believe so many people are having to go through this everyday. I hope you manage to carry on and battle through this awful experience. Every night I light a candle for my wife. She loved candles. And I feel she's here with me. I see now and again little hints that she's trying to help me. Take care xx