Author Topic: A very strange day  (Read 2975 times)

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Offline walofb1

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A very strange day
« on: January 10, 2017, 05:18:23 PM »
had a seriously bad few days.  Started Friday when I received a letter telling me I had been awarded a bereavement grant, like it put a monetary value on chris's life. Followed by a call from the funeral director that his ashes were ready for collection. then our daughter got another cold. She has asthma and a cold is a big deal for her.  So spent the weekend worrying about her, not daring to sleep in case she needed me, convincing myself I find her dead in her bed like I did him.  Spent most of yesterday in bed trying to sleep ( probably a big mistake)  So totally exhausted this morning bearing in mind hadn't been sleeping well before the weekend.  In some realisation rang the GP to address the sleep issues. Was lucky enough to get an emergency appointment.  After a nagging session as I have not seen a doctor since the daughter was born (she's 16) she prescribed sleep medication. So hoping for a good nights sleep at last.  Got home and found out my washing machine had packed up and flooded my kitchen. Great timing!!!  I think I reached the stage I just can't do this any more.  Thank goodness for the Samaritans.  So after lunch and sorting out the kitchen was so tired went to bed.  As usual led there unable to sleep.  He had a book he had been reading by the bed.  I'd always thought it was a bit perverse in it's title (Taoism the road to immortality) but today I picked it up and had a read and found the most wonderful quote (I think)  ""Who would thrill at the prospect of rocketing to the moon in a billion dollar spacecraft if he knew how to summon a shimmering gold and scarlet dragon at any time of the day or night and soar amongst the stars."  Somehow it made me cry. something I haven't done for a while.  Who knows maybe that's what he's doing now.  Or maybe that's why the book was there as sooner or later it would have peaked my curiosity.  I know the process of grieving isn't easy but finally, at least for now, I might get through this.

Offline Karena

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Re: A very strange day
« Reply #1 on: January 10, 2017, 06:26:28 PM »
That is a wonderful quote.
After loosing my hubby I read a lot of spirituality related things,but I had a particular interest in crystals as he had done. as part of the funeral we had given a large crystal to main family with instructions to hold it and fill it with our happiest memory's of him.We then split it and gave a piece to everyone who wanted one who came to the funeral.

So this particular day I was browsing books in a shop when a song came on from the funeral.I froze , what to do run from the shop to hide my tears ,running wouldn't take the song out of my head and there were more people outside than in,so I stayed and picked up a book so I could keep my back turned,I opened it.to look like i was reading but in reality couldnt see the words.When I went to put it back on the shelf I saw the title "sacred stones" so bought it.The writer collects stones when she travels or finds herself unsure or wants to remember a particular moment and I have been doing the same ever since.Recently i fell into a river and was struggling to get out panicking a bit as my rucksack was pulling me under,but right next to me was a huge lump of quartz and seein it calmed me down enough  so i could .
So actually your idea that the book was there for a reason is not outlandish to me at all.

Sadly not sleeping and increased anxiuty about others in the familly is part of grief.My daughters are in their Thirty's and that still applys.The eldest is abroad so not so easy to know what she is doing all the time,but the youngest is closer to here she can't drive anywhere without me demanding a text to let me know she is home poor girl. :hug:


Offline Hubby

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Re: A very strange day
« Reply #2 on: January 10, 2017, 11:53:16 PM »
It's still very early days for you. It will be difficult to think clearly and after a few upsetting reminders like the grant and the ashes other things that you would normally cope with can become overwhelming. I'm pleased to hear that the Samaritans helped you. They were a lot of help to me in the early stages and I don't know how I would have got through some days without them

I can really relate to you saying you spent all day in bed trying to go to sleep. I also had sleep problems and spent quite a few days too tired to get up but unable to drop off. It did settle down with sleeping tablets but it still took s while.

It may not seem like it sometimes but you will get through this.

Hoping you get the sleep you need.

 :hug: