Author Topic: Loss Of Ex Mother-In-Law  (Read 1185 times)

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Offline MeYouMe

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Loss Of Ex Mother-In-Law
« on: February 22, 2018, 02:14:08 PM »
Hi all.

I divorced 4 years ago but have always maintained a good relationship with my ex mother-in-law and in fact my ex husband. My ex mother-in-law had been in hospital poorly for a week and last weekend I took my son (her grandson) who is 14 years old to see her.
Had a phone call at midnight last night from my ex to say that she'd passed away. I feel absolutely devastated. I am with someone else these days and all he could say was ' She was elderly, she'd had a good life and c'mon dry your eyes'. In a about 2 hours time I shall have to tell my son ( wasn't home to tell him last night ) and I'm dreading that and on top of it all my ex is with someone else these days too but I know she can be a snake in the grass, is stifling my ex already by 'helping him' but I cant help feel she's looking and rubbing her hands of what's in it for her and I just want to be there for him, not for her to be.
Please help, I feel angry, jealous and cant stop crying. My ex has to sort out the first stages today obviously but I can't help but think of him, wondering how he's getting on and wondering how nosey his partner is being. I cant help but feel she's in it for herself and not him and obviously he's in a vulnerable position.
I am heartbroken, cant concentrate on a thing, thinking of everything my ex has to do and am beside myself with worry.
Please help...x

Offline Karena

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Re: Loss Of Ex Mother-In-Law
« Reply #1 on: February 22, 2018, 06:54:07 PM »
It is difficult to know where to start.Grief does stir a lot of other emotions and everything is very raw right now. even though he is your ex she was still your mother in law and he is still your friend so your grief is very real too and also raw.
Both of you have new partners and your partner is perhaps not being as supportive as you would like. maybe because he has not experienced grief himself so doesn't really understand that age isn't an issue. but our relationship with the person we have lost is what matters.

Playing devil's advocate is difficult because I don't know our ex,s new partner but I wonder if maybe you could stand in her shoes or a moment and  imagine if it was a different scenario and your new partner was the one grieving then how would you feel about his ex offering the support you wanted to offer.
I realise she isn't someone you feel you trust but she is his choice so perhaps she hasn't been given chance to prove herself and either will do so or she may be as bad as you fear but Grief is a long process it doesn't end with the funeral so she will have to offer that support for some time to come.Conflict between you and her is only going to make things worse at this point so try and avoid it.
My advice is to let your ex know you are there for him if he needs a friend then step back for a while  Try and focus on your own grief and that of your son who will certainly need your support.Any strength you gain now will help you be a safety net and good friend too your ex if she does let him down in the future.