Lost my Dad 19th March, really struggling

[Tracy44]

Hi, I've just joined and hoping this site will help me through my grief
My dad died on 19th March, I knew he was deteriorating so the week before he died I decided to stay at my parents full time to help mum and spend time with dad. I had wrote a letter for dad as no one was talking about what was going to happen and things needed to be said, it was a short letter telling him he was the best dad a daughter could ever ask for and how much I loved him etc but the time never felt right and he passed before I could give it to him😔
The night before he died me and mum sat and chatted with him for around 20 minutes, he was talking about the next day and even though he hadn't eaten for two days as he felt so sick we thought he had a few weeks left. He woke up at 5am and I heard him go to toilet (he really was struggling and breathless) then talking to mum, he asked for a solpadol and mum said "are you ready for me to turn lights off" he replied "yes" mum came in to my room at 8am and said "I think your dad has gone" he had, me and mum were sleeping as he would have been taking his last breaths 😢

Now I feel this unbearable loss and to make matters worse his funeral not till 19th April as there was a delay getting medical certificate as dad hadn't seen a doctor in the last ten days, we are still struggling to register death now but funeral directors still booked funeral because they said it should be sorted by then! My dad was 69 and I'm 44 but even so I was a real daddy's girl, I can't breathe every time I think I will never see or speak to him again. Sorry for such long comment Xxx

[Norma]

Sending you a welcome Hug Tracy xx

 

[Emz2014]

Sending a welcome hug 
I lost my dad just after his 59th birthday, I can empathise how you are feeling. It's a rollercoaster journey, take each day at a time  . Xx

[Hubby]

So sorry to hear if your loss.

You said the time never felt right to give your father your letter. It may not be too late. I wrote a letter for my wife and gave it to her in the chapel of rest. She would have known what was innit anyway but it gave me great comfort knowing she had it.

 

[Tracy44]

Thank you everyone for all your lovely messages, so sorry for late reply it has been a difficult few days but we finally managed to register my dads death yesterday.
We can go and visit dad next week in the chapel of Rest and I will give dad my letter then, a lovely idea so thank you. The pain seems to be increasing as each day passes, I miss my dad so much. My poor mum is staying with me still as she can't bare to go home, I'm trying to stay strong for her,  seeing my mum struggle is just adding to my to my pain, mum and dad were nearly married for 49yrs. Xxx

[Norma]

(((Hugs))) to both you and your mum Tracy. I had been with my hubby 51 years when i lost him, so i feel for your mum, i feel for you equally as i know how difficult it was for my son, coping with his own grief but trying to be strong for me, but i knew how he was suffering just like your mum knows how you are, all i can say hun is dont hold back, your mum wouldnt want you to hold back,  grieve together, cry together  talk about him together and remember him together, yes at first the memories are painful, but by sharing them happy memories will be all the better for sharing xxx

   for you Tracy

   for your mum

[Tracy44]

Thank you Norma

Thank you for your message. How are you and your son coping? I'm so sorry for the loss of your hubby💕

My dad always said he wanted to live and celebrate his and mums 50th Wedding Anniversary but this cruel cancer just wouldn't give up and took it away from him😢 I will show mum your lovely message of support and advice.  she keeps saying  "how will I cope without him" we both woke up and dad had gone so we both feel the pain knowing dad passed whilst we were sleeping. I think mum is trying to be strong for me also. I worry about mum going home and being on her own, so many memories of dad, I can't bare going there for long as I get upset so how will mum manage?

Take care

Tracy

[Norma]

I hate the saying that life goes on Tracy, but unfortunately its true, and as both you and your mum get stronger you will learn to cope, it doesnt get better, you get better from an illness not a bereavement but it does get easier, and you will find your new normal, i lost my hubby in August 2014, we would have been married 49 years in the september so were planning our 50th wedding anniversary, but it wasnt to be,  i came home  one day and found him  in his chair, he hadnt been ill at all, so totally unexpected. Im 2 1/2 year down the road now Tracy, mostly i do okay, but i still miss him terribly, but am getting used to a life on my own.  Being part of this amazing group and the facebook buk group has been my life saver, reading others post makes you  realise youre not alone and that what youre feeling is quite normal, we also organise meet ups of members, it might be good for your mum to join us. But keep posting to us hun xx

  for you xx

  for your mum xx

[Newbie_F]

I lost my Dad this year as well - a month before you. Not ready to go into the details. We had issues with the funeral arrangements too but I'm proud we did everything ourselves and not relied on insenstive relatives. You're going to feel a range of emotions (I suspect you already do) - sorrow, anger, regret/guilt and even numbness; which are all perfectly fine to feel. I'm still coming to terms with my loss but just trying to stay strong. Thinking of you.