Author Topic: One year has passed.  (Read 3800 times)

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Offline alan2273

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One year has passed.
« on: August 31, 2017, 01:13:31 AM »
One year on and I still miss my wife and soulmate after 44 glorious years together, have I moved on, after a fashion yes, but I would still give everything I have just to have her back with me again.
I still miss Dorothy so much, but now the bad days are getting less.
Will I ever be the same again, the answer to that is no, but I have had to rebuild my life and in the process, I have found that in the long term things do start to get better.
I would also like to thank all the friends I have come into contact with at the BUK meets, I was sceptical on the first meet, but was met with nothing but kindness and understanding, and would recommend them to anyone.

Offline Emz2014

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Re: One year has passed.
« Reply #1 on: August 31, 2017, 08:13:21 AM »
Huge hugs Alan  :hug:  such a lovely post which helps inspire some hope for those early on this journey xx
Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise. 
Hold on in there xx

Offline Karena

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Re: One year has passed.
« Reply #2 on: August 31, 2017, 09:38:48 PM »
Thankyou for your post Alan.Its a long bumby road but we can and do salvage something a bit at a time. :hug:

Offline Lizzy

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Re: One year has passed.
« Reply #3 on: September 01, 2017, 09:34:53 AM »
Thank you for your post Alan. It gives me some hope for the future and that the emptiness and sadness I feel at the moment will maybe ease a little. It's very early days for me I know. It's only six weeks since my husband died- we had been married for 45 years and I miss him so much and feel like I'm waiting but I don't know what for. Then I feel panic and that I need to do something before it's too late. I loved him so much. I think I only realised how very much when it was too late.
Your post has given me comfort

Offline alan2273

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Re: One year has passed.
« Reply #4 on: September 01, 2017, 09:55:45 AM »
Hi Lizzy,
I had all those feelings myself and yes it is very early in the grieving process for you, but although time will never heal you completely, it does get easier.
I still have bad days, but they are getting less now.
I hope you have family who will support you and help you through the loneliness and emptiness.

Offline Lizzy

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Re: One year has passed.
« Reply #5 on: September 01, 2017, 07:28:53 PM »
Thanks for your reply. Yes I have three wonderful children and some very good friends. I know that for them I will carry on. Plus Chris would expect it of me.  But for now I just feel so lonely and that without someone at home to come home to life is pretty pointless. I hate feeling that I am always piggy backing onto other people's lives but thank you for giving me hope that it won't always feel so raw and painful.
I've been really worried about posting on here but it's good to be able to say how I truly feel rather than the standard answer of 'I'm ok' which is what people want to here.

Offline Karena

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Re: One year has passed.
« Reply #6 on: September 01, 2017, 08:52:27 PM »
Hi Lizzy.The idea behind the forum is that we never have to say that.
Yes there are sections where we have chats about every day stuff,and that's important too,because there are times on this horrible journey when we crave a bit of normality and,someone to bounce off that normality with.When you lose a life partner in particular  part of the missing is losing that everyday stuff too.someone to moan about work too,or discuss paint colour with.
But mainly the site is here because the people here have all lost a loved one and all needed somewhere safe to say,no I,m not OK,have a rant if it helps,or write down feelings we can't express any other way.So please don't be afriad to post.A number of times I thought I was losing the plot and then someone here would say,no that happened to me too,doesn't take away the pain but helps you recognise that you're not bonkers and not alone. :hug:

Offline Gingey

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Re: One year has passed.
« Reply #7 on: September 04, 2017, 12:47:01 PM »
Hi
Its over a year since my husband passed and I totally get all that is being said, I still feel so lonely
I am on holiday just now with my son, grandson and his partner and feel I am piggy backing. I cant seem to relax feel on edge, help : :hug:

Offline Karena

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Re: One year has passed.
« Reply #8 on: September 04, 2017, 08:12:44 PM »
 :hug: perhaps try and create a role for yourself,I don't mean take over or be interfering but ask them what can I do to help,can I babysit while you go off for a while,can I take him for a walk/read him a story etc.Looking back to when my kids were young ,I would have welcomed some one to give me a break for the half hour, do the washing up,anything really, but also doing that,being in charge just for a while might go some way to rebuilding your confidence.

Offline Gingey

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Re: One year has passed.
« Reply #9 on: September 05, 2017, 12:01:07 PM »
I am trying to be helpful, not always welcomed though
You are right about confidence, is at all time low and I have this scared feeling in pit of stomach, feels horrible
 :hug:

Offline Karena

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Re: One year has passed.
« Reply #10 on: September 05, 2017, 08:14:20 PM »
 :hug: it takes a while to find the niche but you will do.Perhaps being on holiday is a bit intense.I think as well as confidence going the anxiety is partly because when it happens we are on a kind of high alert state,so much to sort out,so much to face,and it becomes a default state for a while,also the frailty of life has smacked you in the face and then you start worrying about the other people in your life at a higher level too.When it comes too it preventing you doing things,its important to prioratise those things.For example there was a discussion here about having the courage to eat out alone in a cafe or pub,and my thought was I will never be able to do that,I also thought I wouldn't ever travel again but I needed to travel to see my kids,so that was a much bigger priority,an obstacle over coming.But eating out alone isn't a goal I have to hit because actually I don't need too and don't particularly want too. So what I,m saying is pick your battles. :hug: