The journey of grief

[Emz2014]

Following on from a note on another thread, I mentioned a description of grief which really made sense to me.  George said he has seen the diagram in his group too.  I don't have a diagram, just my scribbled note, so I translated this into digital form (capturing the details I remembered) to be able to share it with you.

I think this also helps to explain time - this can only happen slowly over time, it's not an immediate thing.  Slowly engaging with things, even just noticing wildlife & seasons around us slowly expands that circle. 

xx

[Brian71]

Thanks Emz...that just about sums it up quite well.  It never ceases to amaze me is how much altruism is shown on this forum.

[Julie Magson]

You must be very clever to produce that digital form! Interesting too.

[Rosaleen]

Hi Emma, sorry just read your post, I didn't realise my post I've just don't ne i was repeating what you'd written....

[Hubby]

I can see in a way how it would explain the really days in relation to the way things should be after the passage of time but in the middle we get the waves of grief that overwhelm us. This, to me, suggests that the level of grief does change, or perhaps it is the amount of other life changing?

[Rosaleen]

I think for me,  at least for now,  it is the amount of other life changing

[Didi63]

Emz thank you for that, that is what my counsellor showed me earlier this week. Seeing it like that makes me personally feel that things shall feel better.

[longedge]

It's the first time I've come across this post - was that George me or another one? I don't remember as it was more than an hour ago  It was certainly something that was described in one of the sessions I went to in the support group I went to.

For most of us, the grief doesn't really diminish it stays just as 'big' but we grow bigger as our new reality 'enlarges' us and so it occupies a proportionately smaller part of our being. I've found over the last 15 months or so that it is happening to me.

One of the other things that was described at a group meeting was "The Whirlpool of Grief" (Google it). This is such a good representation of the process of grieving and it describes perfectly what I've gone through. After plunging into the whirlpool you go round and round and just when you think you're out of it, you're sucked back in again until hopefully, one day you re-emerge into the river of life and for the lucky ones possibly even find a new partner (not something I can imagine for me but obviously it happens).

I heartily recommend going to support group meetings if you are lucky to get the offer.

[Emz2014]

Yes, it was you George :-)  xx

[longedge]

I'm not used to people taking any notice of what I said  .

But, seriously, the two group sessions in which we were offered these explanations, in a visual way, of what was happening to us did give hope for better things to come. We started our sessions at the 3 month point, supposedly the time at which most people are ready to assimilate information again. Up to then you are just too stunned to take anything in. I suppose it's a rule of thumb but it was about right for me. We had 6 x weekly 3 to 4 hour meetings and at the end we evaluated how we had benefited from the meetings. At my first meeting, I only just managed to get home again and rush back into the house and up to bed. After the fourth meeting I drove home the long way feeling that I wanted to have a look at the countryside and take the world in. After the last meeting, I left not feeling any happier but knowing that in time I would learn to accept my loss and how things were going to be from now on. It had been a worthwhile effort.

At the time, of the two illustrations I found the Whirlpool of Grief more helpful because it fitted so well what I was experiencing. It's only now that I'm further down the line that I can really appreciate the diagram and explanation that you referred to but I certainly think it helps to hear and see an explanation of what we are going through.

[Emz2014]

 

I had a look at the whirlpool of grief and what a wonderful visual way to describe the journey. It makes so much sense and the imagery certainly ties in with the feeling and intensity of grief. Thank you for sharing that xx

[Rosaleen]

Ive just had a look too. Yes,  this visual image, just  like the fried egg one, really helps to give a new perspective. Of course it made me cry........... But that's OK

[Hubby]