Really can't copei

[Lyn Taylor]

My opinion is not by any means representative of other people on here so if this forum helps you then that is great for you. I am going through the exact same pain but wanted to offer a different perspective to dealing with it. Nobody's loss is greater or lesser than another's but forums like this are are to help from their own experiences and that is what I am trying to do. My dad passed 2 weeks ago so yes it is early days for me but I want to honour his death in the best way I know and that is to move with it with gratitude that he gave me life and to fulfil that blessing. If my response doesn't help then that's fine. We are all different

[Dave Administrator]

Twinkle you should be grateful people are trying to help and get a grip on reality! You are lucky people are replying and trying to listen and help.

Lyn this post has been reported and rightly so I believe. If Twinkle does leave the site and it's support she so desperately needed, is that what you really intended to happen in this comment? I think not....

Iv'e run this site for 17 years now and have learnt in that time to sometimes be a little gentile to those still very raw from their losses, and not offering this very hard line type of support you've given here,,, and I'd like not to loose anymore members because of it please.

[Lyn Taylor]

Grief is a very personal journey and if we can find comfort in how other's have dealt or coped with it then that in itself is a  huge step in coping and knowing we are not alone. I feel alone because it is happening to me but sharing is knowing you are not alone and that in itself is humbling to know. My dad suffered and there was nothing I could do but I find comfort in knowing God took it out of my hands and that I loved my dad so much and that he knew that. I cannot bring him back and could have done no more as his life was not in my hands so we have to somehow accept that and allow the peace to take place

[Lyn Taylor]

Dave I am sorry everyone feels that way. I won't comment again as I too am grieving and meant no offence

[Lyn Taylor]

My words were insensitive as I am not thinking straight. Hope things get better for everyone and I am sorry I posted but will now remove myself

[Dave Administrator]

Dave I am sorry everyone feels that way. I won't comment again as I too am grieving and meant no offence

Lyn I'm sure it's the last thing you intended and I truly believe that. All I would ask of any member is to read their replies through a couple of times like I do. Because knowing what grief does to the mind I like to make sure the message of support I want to offer cannot be taken in any other way but the good intention it was meant to be too help them, not make matters any worse for anyone in the same pain you are in taking it the wrong way.

I think you have a lot to offer this group Lyn, and I don't want anyone leaving or clamping up, that's not what BUK is about and will never heal your broken heart.

So just let's put this behind us now and give each member the support and comforting words they so desperately came here for at this most difficult time of the year for many, and I think you have that in you Lyn to make happen for us all.

I'm so sorry for your loss and oh how I know how much it hurts.

[Dave Administrator]

My words were insensitive as I am not thinking straight. Hope things get better for everyone and I am sorry I posted but will now remove myself

You beat me too it Lyn posting this while I was replying to you,,,,,,,,,,,but hey I was right about you lol.

[Lyn Taylor]

I can only apologise and will take my grief and deal with it by myself as the last thing I want is to offend others going through the same. Thanks for your kind words x

[Karena]

I don't want to see either of you leave Dave is right sometimes we do misunderstand what others say.Twinkle the point of the site is that you can write down your feelings, and Lynn I have also stated many times I want to live my life for both me and my husband and make him proud of me,but I had times through that when I have also posted about not feeling I could cope,being too Lonely etc.It is a journey as Emz says like a roller coaster when we swing between feeling more positive and really in the pits of despair.The site is for everyone whichever way that roller coaster carriage is pointing at any given time.Sometimes its one where all the carriages are joined but sometimes,especially in the early days its one of those with smaller individual carriages on the same track.Sometimes they might collide but its only a glancing blow,no need for anyone to leave.
Sending hugs too both of you.

[Lyn Taylor]

Twinkle I hope you accept my sincere apologies, I was reflecting on you a mirror of myself telling myself I needed to get a grip. I was talking to myself . I actually feel like you do but trying to fight it but I should not have projected that on you xx

[Twinkle]

Sorry, I only just saw this, Lyn I was upset last night I felt if I couldn't express how I feel on here, then I really had nowhere to go, I have been thinking about it all day and I know, like me, I think anger and frustration makes you react sometimes you normally wouldn't, I didn't for one second think you was trying to upset me, it's just, like me, it is so raw for for you and you project what you are feeling onto others, the thing that really really scared me that having found this forum I could no lo her use it without people judging me,  I don't want to feel the way I feel but at the minute I can't help it, and us so good to share on here and feel others understand, and I truly hope in turn I will be able to help someone, don't back away from the site  or try and deal with it alone, we all need each other,  I am so sorry for the loss of your Dad and I hope you continue to use this wonderful place to help yourself heal, as I know your Dad would have wanted, like my Mum, but we all need help sometimes x

[Lyn Taylor]

If it helps anyone I think the hardest thing about losing a loved one is that we had no control over it. We protect people we love from pain and suffering and we do everything in our power to help them. In the last 2 weeks I have gone over everything in my mind as to what happened, the what 'if's the why's and processing every detail that I could have overlooked that could have prevented dad passing but I realise that it was all in the hands of the medical people and I was somehow relegated to feeling inadequate, scared and exhausted and all I could actually do was be there as an 'observer'. It hurts like hell and it was then I asked God to intervene and to either perform a miracle or end dad's suffering. Dad's body had had enough and that was it. It sounds so simple to accept but not so simple to let go but that's love, the most significant person has left this world and changed our world but love carries on in our hearts and memories and I for one just want to skip this grieving process and get to the happy memories but I know I have to go through this scary process to get there? There is no handbook or bench mark and it is indeed a roller coaster of a journey

[Lyn Taylor]

Twinkle I am glad you are back as like you I was so upset last night and angry with myself. I feel like a pick and mix of emotions, all jumbled up and a mess. Hope we can help each other through it x

[Woodlands2017]

I think that is right Lynn

I can't come to terms with the fact that my step-dad (of 38 years) has died and we couldn't do anything to help him. It's a week tomor, so thinking about the bed vigil we were doing this time last week. I have got several photos I loved printed up large in A4 - they are now up in my kitchen and I will look at them forever.i like that constant reminder.

I am thinking of lighting a candle for him every Xmas day forever. Christmas is killing me this year - I have a young son who is grieving too, so I have to get myself together. Managed the shops today although broke down crying a few times.

Has anyone got any ideas for things to do that make you feel better, even if just for a few minutes? I'm trying to take most of the offers for help and company I am getting, because to be frank, I think I need all the help I can get.

Love to all xx

[pennyking]

 

Hugs to everyone.  So sorry for your losses.  I've been part of this forum for over 5 years.  It can be so hard to put down in writing what and how you are feeling and it is so easy for things to come across not as you meant them.   Hope you can get through christmas the best you can. 

Penny x