Peace

[Lyn Taylor]

Hi Everyone

Well it was 4 weeks yesterday that dad passed and I miss him so much and write my journal to him everyday which is our time that I set aside each day, usually evening time. It feels so much longer than 4 weeks and I have been concerned lately that I haven't cried or felt sad or had any intense moments. I seem to have moved into a phase of "peace". I now look at photo's of dad and smile, I feel calm and I keep telling myself I shouldn't be feeling like this and what is wrong with me? Has anyone else experienced this so soon after they have lost someone?

I still relive the hospital vigil over and over and this keeps me awake at night but other than that I feel I am resuming normality? I am going back to work on a phased return on the 23 Jan and I do feel apprehensive but I feel I have to get back to a routine.

I did have 2 years of worry and fear about dad dying and just wondering if I had already grieved before he actually passed away if this makes sense?

Anyone have any thoughts on this?

Lyn

[Karena]

In a sense of may have already done some grieving in that two years but in my experience even when you now for certain that someone is dying It is still a shock when they do perhaps because in order to cope and remain strong for them we defend ourselves by denying it perhaps there will be a miracle perhaps the doctors are wrong.Possibly we also carry this over after they are gone for the same reason of a coping mechanism of our brain we have the shock followed by making arrangements funeral notifying people etc and the nightmares which don't allow us to rest properly so the brain triggers something to give it a rest.Something I have connected might seem a bit strange but it was part of a course about consciousness.The section was bereavement studies in animals that have different levels of it but closest too us.Elephants in particular have been studied in depth.They will retreat too a den or hangout and stay there on loss of a mother child or partner while others in the herd leave them too It but stay nearby and bring food. After a while the elephant will leave and go back to the body with the herd sometimes they even cover  it with branches. They will leave again after a few days to get food and water and gradually start to move with the herd again within a territory but still remain on the side slightly apart and return alone too the hide out for some time to come before finally rejoining them fully. As humans we consider ourselves more evolved but our herd moves much faster and with less understanding.We have words like deadline and productivity to consider we are more like hamsters running round our wheels than elephants yet I think we have those same instincts and should follow them rather than apply human societal rules. The time we  spend in our layers is designed to help us heal and that is perhaps a period of peacefulness .  It is a roller coaster journey and there will be times of different feelings and instincts but I think we need to obey our animal instincts to go along it.A phased return to work could be like the gradual return too the herd you may find yourself standing to the side and retreating back to the den for some time but at the same time that return will also re establish a routine or rhythm too your life.

[Emz2014]

I feel grief is a rollercoaster, we get times when we feel we are coping well, it ebbs and flows, as time passes it becomes easier to cope between the bad times, and it is all very individual.  However you're feeling it is right and ok.  Big hugs  xx

[Twinkle]

Hi Lyn, like you I went through a period of peace,  mum died in August,  and like you other than that night she died in front of me and I couldn't save her I thought I was coming to terms with it, I would smile at memories etc, but like the others say it is so up and down and if you feel yourself going down again that's okay too, work is a doubled edged sword, it does get a routine going, but the effort of being " normal" for others can be very wearing and trying, every second of the day your emotions change, I cried in Tesco today as I always used to look little treats to take to her, like you I was aware Mum wouldn't have much longer and I worried about it a lot, I doing think you grieve early, you grieve at that time for the person you know them to be is not there, but losing the physical presence is another matter.

Take care x