Hi Lucy.
I have also suffered multiple bereavements and i think a new one not only triggers the old ones but also when we live in a world in which there are accepeted processes for absolutely everything it comes as a shock when our grief takes different paths each time.
It makes sense that we grieve differently for different people as they each meant something unique too us, yet the theorys like all theorys tend to imply a set path where we go through a process and come out at the other side having "got over it" then slip quietly back into our slots of being who we were before, but it does change us and we, and those around us find it hard to accept that change - we think we are not doing it "properly" so there must be something "wrong" with us.
I did have bereavement counselling after losing my husband - the second time for me, having also lost my best friend,and my parents, and several other people over the years i was also in a very bad place - i found that the counselling helped because it helped me turn some of my thinking around - it isnt a cure there is no cure, but it sets us on the path to healing and learning to live with the scars. I also found this place and it helped me in the same way -but also to feel much less alone - the everyday chat section can help take care of the smaller lonlinesses and establish some lasting friendships even though we may never meet in person.
Being the mum of a 13 year old, no matter how grounded she is can also add to the loneliness when you have no sounding board and at a time when our children are starting to become less dependant on us we then start to question our roles in life - you are still a mum and always will be first and foremost but as you see them start to move forward in their own lives sometimes its difficult to see where you will fit in the future - and so this can also add to the depression and feelings of loss that dominate our lives.
We go through many changes in our lifetime and settling into those changes is very hard but more so when we dont have the people we have relied on to all our lives to consult - even though we may not have always taken the advise on offer it was still there - although i do in a sense consult my mum because when the fog and turmoil of our loss starts to clear a little, then we know in our hearts what they would have said/done/advised and that they would have loved us no matter what.
Three months can pass fairly quickly but if you feel you are in crisis dont hesitate to ak for help - a few people here have used the samaritans -who now offer e-mail contact - so you dont need to speak on a phone -but also keep talking here, we will be here as long as you need us to be.
